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diandrahollmanAt a mansion somewhere, Benedict greets two men "from Mercy General". They are played by Kennan and possibly Beck. Don't quote me on that. A lot of white guys look interchangeable to me when I'm drunk. I once carried on a conversation with a guy I was convinced was my father for five minutes before he ran away in a cloud of embarrassment. Beck introduces the both of them as David Hoff and Dan Fletcher. Not to be confused with Hasselhoff and Jessica, I'm sure. "Dan" (Kennan) says he was under the impression they would be meeting Mr. Shaw directly. Benedict says oh, no, his time is EXTREMELY precious, so he will evaluate their proposal first to determine whether it is worthwhile to bother Mr. Shaw with it. They say okay, well...their hospital is looking for someone willing to make a sizeable donation because they've been falling on some really hard times lately. Benedict says well...Mr. Shaw does have a soft spot for philanthropic endeavors. He pushes an intercom button and asks "Carolina" to bring Mr. Shaw in. He warns David and Dan to not mention Mr. Shaw's "scar", whatever they do.
"Carolina" wheels in a dummy dressed in a suit with an eagle statue for a head. Oh, this is going to go downhill very fast, isn't it? Benedict asks how "Mr. Shaw's" golf game went this morning, pauses, and says that's why they call it a "dog leg". Then he laughs at his own joke. He introduces the two increasingly horrified looking men over there from Mercy General and invites them to do their pitch. Dan blinks and asks if this is a joke. Benedict asks if Mr. Shaw seems like the joking type. No, he seems like the type that would drop a live turtle on your head because he mistook you for a rock. David asks if they should be asking..."him" about the donation. Benedict says yes, well, Mr. Shaw might be a little embarrassed to talk about money seeing as his face is on all of it. Dan is like ooooookay, I'm just going to go along with this and hope somebody pops out from behind a door and announces that I'm on AFV at some point. Benedict interrupts him before he can launch into his speech to announce that Mr. Shaw would like to see his watch. Dan hands over his watch and Benedict waves it in front of "Mr. Shaw" while noting that it's very shiny and reminds Mr. Shaw of a fish in a stream. Dan and David gape at him in horror and Dan asks what the hell they're doing here, exactly. David notes that this seems to be a waste of their time. Benedict angrily points out that it wasn't a waste of time for the DAHLI LAMA when he spent his sixtieth birthday here. He points out the photoshop picture of said celebration, next to a picture of Richard Branson and both Nelson and Howie Mandela posing with Mr. Shaw. Okay, A) that's Howie ManDEL and b)...I don't know. See point A.
Dan says seriously now, they need money for their hospital. Benedict says fine, NOW they are getting somewhere, then turns to Mr. Shaw for a quick conference. He twitches and makes silent gestures as if Mr. Shaw is ranting at him and not letting him get a word in edgewise. Then he turns and says "very well, sir. Congratulations, gentlemen." Dan is like wait...really? Benedict says yes, $1.7 million dollars, and suggests maybe they could name a WING of the hospital after him. His face falls and he quickly adds that he meant it as a joke and intended no disrespect. "No, that was not my intention at all. What subtext? Sir, you can't mean that! After all I've given! Twenty-seven years!" He sobs that he missed his daughter's BIRTH in service to...him? And Mr. Shaw can't fire him because he QUITS. He turns to Dan and David and expresses the hope that their hospital has a way to fix a broken heart. David starts crying sloppily. Dan looks at him sideways like 'are you seriously getting sucked into the craziness here? What is WRONG with you white people?!' Benedict announces that he'd going to collect his things and reaches into a closet, emerging with a soccer ball and a pair of flippers. He wishes them luck with their hospital and leaves. I'm honestly not sure if that just happened or I dreamed it in a drunken stupor.
Dan asks who is writing the check. Carolina comes back to announce that it's time for Mr. Shaw's bath. "What's that sir? Join you? Oh, Mr. Shaw!"
Oh thank god, we're done. If you'll excuse me, I need to go sleep off this hangover and hopefully forget I ever tried to do this recap in the first place.
"Carolina" wheels in a dummy dressed in a suit with an eagle statue for a head. Oh, this is going to go downhill very fast, isn't it? Benedict asks how "Mr. Shaw's" golf game went this morning, pauses, and says that's why they call it a "dog leg". Then he laughs at his own joke. He introduces the two increasingly horrified looking men over there from Mercy General and invites them to do their pitch. Dan blinks and asks if this is a joke. Benedict asks if Mr. Shaw seems like the joking type. No, he seems like the type that would drop a live turtle on your head because he mistook you for a rock. David asks if they should be asking..."him" about the donation. Benedict says yes, well, Mr. Shaw might be a little embarrassed to talk about money seeing as his face is on all of it. Dan is like ooooookay, I'm just going to go along with this and hope somebody pops out from behind a door and announces that I'm on AFV at some point. Benedict interrupts him before he can launch into his speech to announce that Mr. Shaw would like to see his watch. Dan hands over his watch and Benedict waves it in front of "Mr. Shaw" while noting that it's very shiny and reminds Mr. Shaw of a fish in a stream. Dan and David gape at him in horror and Dan asks what the hell they're doing here, exactly. David notes that this seems to be a waste of their time. Benedict angrily points out that it wasn't a waste of time for the DAHLI LAMA when he spent his sixtieth birthday here. He points out the photoshop picture of said celebration, next to a picture of Richard Branson and both Nelson and Howie Mandela posing with Mr. Shaw. Okay, A) that's Howie ManDEL and b)...I don't know. See point A.
Dan says seriously now, they need money for their hospital. Benedict says fine, NOW they are getting somewhere, then turns to Mr. Shaw for a quick conference. He twitches and makes silent gestures as if Mr. Shaw is ranting at him and not letting him get a word in edgewise. Then he turns and says "very well, sir. Congratulations, gentlemen." Dan is like wait...really? Benedict says yes, $1.7 million dollars, and suggests maybe they could name a WING of the hospital after him. His face falls and he quickly adds that he meant it as a joke and intended no disrespect. "No, that was not my intention at all. What subtext? Sir, you can't mean that! After all I've given! Twenty-seven years!" He sobs that he missed his daughter's BIRTH in service to...him? And Mr. Shaw can't fire him because he QUITS. He turns to Dan and David and expresses the hope that their hospital has a way to fix a broken heart. David starts crying sloppily. Dan looks at him sideways like 'are you seriously getting sucked into the craziness here? What is WRONG with you white people?!' Benedict announces that he'd going to collect his things and reaches into a closet, emerging with a soccer ball and a pair of flippers. He wishes them luck with their hospital and leaves. I'm honestly not sure if that just happened or I dreamed it in a drunken stupor.
Dan asks who is writing the check. Carolina comes back to announce that it's time for Mr. Shaw's bath. "What's that sir? Join you? Oh, Mr. Shaw!"
Oh thank god, we're done. If you'll excuse me, I need to go sleep off this hangover and hopefully forget I ever tried to do this recap in the first place.
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Date: 2016-11-17 11:57 pm (UTC)CA
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Date: 2016-11-18 12:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2016-11-18 12:39 am (UTC)