12 Steps - Part 9
Oct. 18th, 2009 11:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
diandrahollmanOkay, so between vet crises, car problems and the ever wearying search for a job in a depressed market, my fic writing muse has been a little...absent lately. I have exactly two posts (counting this one) on this story before I run totally out of material. Hopefully in the meantime I can prod her back and get something written...*crosses fingers* Wish me luck!
Title: 12 Steps
E-Mail: diandrahollman@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter.
Keywords: Lost, Jack/Sawyer, slash, post-flashforward
Spoilers: Er...did you see the Season 3 finale? Any of the flashforwards? That's about it.
Disclaimer: I think they still belong to JJ Abrams. I know they belong to Lindelof and Cuse and ABC. I wish I were making the sort of profit they are off these characters, but sadly, I’m not.
Summary: When Kate can’t get through to a drunken, suicidal Jack she calls the only person she can think of.
Author's Notes: This takes place right after Kate left Jack standing by the road in the Season 3 finale. I started writing it then. This is how long it takes me to work on stories now. Sigh. I started taking some of the season 4 stuff into account, but it mostly ignores cannon past season 3 (Ben is the one in the coffin here). I reserve the right to join it back on to cannon, however, at any point in the future.
Obviously the title is in reference to the 12 steps of addiction treatment. These steps will not actually be followed in this story. I just needed a title that described the story without making it seem like part of the “Detox” series.
Previous parts here
****************
I didn’t sleep that night – watching instead as Jack made a slow, painful transition into Linda Blair. One minute, he was writhing in pain and screaming obscenities at me and the next he was crying and begging me to help him. Sometimes he recognized me and sometimes he demanded to know what my “people” had done to him or asked to see Juliet. The most disturbing moment, though, was when he’d looked past me completely and started talking to his father. The longer he went without sleep, the crazier he became. I tried to stop him from hurting himself when he tugged so hard on the restraints that he nearly broke a slat in the headboard and he kicked me. Ironically, he did, in fact, manage to piss all over me. He had laughed at that – the sound so unhinged it gave me chills – and called me Ben.
By noon, I was an exhausted, nervous wreck. Not knowing what else to do, I called Kate. It took a lot of convincing and some outright begging, but I finally got her to agree to watch him for a while.
After I hung up, I sat on the edge of the bed, head in my hands, telling myself I’d had no choice, when Jack surfaced again.
“Sawyer?” His voice was small and hoarse.
“Right here, baby,” I said automatically. I didn’t dare touch him – knowing he could lash out or scream in pain even if he did recognize me.
He tugged at the chain anchoring him to the headboard. “Sawyer...”
I looked over at him, lying on his side facing the other direction, naked except for a pair of boxers, his body curling protectively inward. He looked small and broken and it made my chest hurt in a way I would never have thought possible to see him like that. He shivered pathetically.
I tossed the phone onto a pile of clothes and crawled toward him, tentatively pressing against his back, drawing the blanket back over his bare skin, relaxing when he didn’t fight me. “I’m here. It’s okay.” I held him tighter as he trembled.
“Where’s Kate?”
“She’s comin’, sweetheart.”
“No,” he moaned. “They’ll catch her.”
I swallowed a groan. I had no idea where or when he was in his mind. Keeping up with his delusions was becoming increasingly difficult. “She can take ‘em.” With one hand tied behind her back, no doubt, I thought.
He groaned and tugged on the cuffs again.
“Hey, stop that,” I scolded gently. “You’ll hurt yourself.”
He stopped, but I got the feeling it was more out of exhaustion than obedience. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“What for, baby?”
“I’m the one they want. They think I can fix him. It’s all my fault.”
I was getting too tired to follow his logic. I just held him tight, kissed his cheek and muttered things I hoped were soothing.
I was still talking when Kate arrived. She let herself in and I heard her drop her purse, coat and keys by the door and arm the security system like I’d told her. I kept whispering to Jack, who didn’t show signs of hearing anything. She hesitated when she reached the door, looking unsure. Between the well-worn jeans, t-shirt, sloppy hair and lack of make-up, she almost looked like she had on the island. It was certainly close enough for Jack to buy it in his mental state. She bent to pick up the key I’d tossed near the door and slowly crept closer.
“Jack,” she called softly.
Jack jolted in my arms, his head snapping in her direction. “Kate?”
Her smile barely hid a wince. “Hey. I got them to give me the keys, but we have to be careful. They’re watching us.”
I sagged with relief as Jack nodded. It had worked.
“What are you doing here,” Jack asked as Kate reached to undo the cuffs.
She glanced at me and I shrugged. There was no telling where he was anymore.
“I wanted to see you,” she said, wisely opting for vague answers. She got the cuffs undone and Jack reached for her, hugging her tightly, desperately.
I slipped carefully from the bed while he was distracted. He didn’t notice. I nodded to Kate - ‘Tag, you’re it,’ I thought wearily - and made for the door, being sure not to make any noise.
“Where’s Sawyer,” I heard him ask innocently as I slipped out the door.
********
I was deeply asleep on the bed in the second, unused bedroom when I was shaken awake by a loud yell.
“Sawyer,” Kate shouted. The fear in her voice had me wide awake in seconds.
I stumbled into my bedroom to find Jack on the floor, sprawled awkwardly, Kate hovering over him.
“What happened?” I dropped down at Jack’s other side and searched for his pulse. It took a few seconds to find it and while I didn’t know what the hell I was looking for, exactly, I was pretty sure it shouldn’t be fluttering like that.
“He had a seizure, I think. He just collapsed and started shaking.” Kate’s eyes were wild, her hands fluttering over Jack helplessly. “It just stopped, but I can’t wake him up.”
I looked around the room, feeling helpless, and my eyes landed on the empty glass on the bedside. “You give ‘im anythin’?”
“Just some Motrin. He had a headache. It’s all I had...”
I grabbed her wrist. “Get my phone and my keys. They’re in the top drawer of my desk. I’ll carry ‘im.”
“Shouldn’t we call 911?”
“We’re too far outta the city. It’ll take too long. Go!”
She hesitated a couple seconds longer and then nearly tripped over herself darting from the room.
I must have strained every muscle in my arms and shoulders trying to lift him. He may have lost a lot of muscle since the island, but he was still a good 200 pounds of dead weight. I barely noticed though – I was too busy panicking, pleading with him and God equally.
‘Please, don’t die.’
TBC
Title: 12 Steps
E-Mail: diandrahollman@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter.
Keywords: Lost, Jack/Sawyer, slash, post-flashforward
Spoilers: Er...did you see the Season 3 finale? Any of the flashforwards? That's about it.
Disclaimer: I think they still belong to JJ Abrams. I know they belong to Lindelof and Cuse and ABC. I wish I were making the sort of profit they are off these characters, but sadly, I’m not.
Summary: When Kate can’t get through to a drunken, suicidal Jack she calls the only person she can think of.
Author's Notes: This takes place right after Kate left Jack standing by the road in the Season 3 finale. I started writing it then. This is how long it takes me to work on stories now. Sigh. I started taking some of the season 4 stuff into account, but it mostly ignores cannon past season 3 (Ben is the one in the coffin here). I reserve the right to join it back on to cannon, however, at any point in the future.
Obviously the title is in reference to the 12 steps of addiction treatment. These steps will not actually be followed in this story. I just needed a title that described the story without making it seem like part of the “Detox” series.
Previous parts here
****************
I didn’t sleep that night – watching instead as Jack made a slow, painful transition into Linda Blair. One minute, he was writhing in pain and screaming obscenities at me and the next he was crying and begging me to help him. Sometimes he recognized me and sometimes he demanded to know what my “people” had done to him or asked to see Juliet. The most disturbing moment, though, was when he’d looked past me completely and started talking to his father. The longer he went without sleep, the crazier he became. I tried to stop him from hurting himself when he tugged so hard on the restraints that he nearly broke a slat in the headboard and he kicked me. Ironically, he did, in fact, manage to piss all over me. He had laughed at that – the sound so unhinged it gave me chills – and called me Ben.
By noon, I was an exhausted, nervous wreck. Not knowing what else to do, I called Kate. It took a lot of convincing and some outright begging, but I finally got her to agree to watch him for a while.
After I hung up, I sat on the edge of the bed, head in my hands, telling myself I’d had no choice, when Jack surfaced again.
“Sawyer?” His voice was small and hoarse.
“Right here, baby,” I said automatically. I didn’t dare touch him – knowing he could lash out or scream in pain even if he did recognize me.
He tugged at the chain anchoring him to the headboard. “Sawyer...”
I looked over at him, lying on his side facing the other direction, naked except for a pair of boxers, his body curling protectively inward. He looked small and broken and it made my chest hurt in a way I would never have thought possible to see him like that. He shivered pathetically.
I tossed the phone onto a pile of clothes and crawled toward him, tentatively pressing against his back, drawing the blanket back over his bare skin, relaxing when he didn’t fight me. “I’m here. It’s okay.” I held him tighter as he trembled.
“Where’s Kate?”
“She’s comin’, sweetheart.”
“No,” he moaned. “They’ll catch her.”
I swallowed a groan. I had no idea where or when he was in his mind. Keeping up with his delusions was becoming increasingly difficult. “She can take ‘em.” With one hand tied behind her back, no doubt, I thought.
He groaned and tugged on the cuffs again.
“Hey, stop that,” I scolded gently. “You’ll hurt yourself.”
He stopped, but I got the feeling it was more out of exhaustion than obedience. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“What for, baby?”
“I’m the one they want. They think I can fix him. It’s all my fault.”
I was getting too tired to follow his logic. I just held him tight, kissed his cheek and muttered things I hoped were soothing.
I was still talking when Kate arrived. She let herself in and I heard her drop her purse, coat and keys by the door and arm the security system like I’d told her. I kept whispering to Jack, who didn’t show signs of hearing anything. She hesitated when she reached the door, looking unsure. Between the well-worn jeans, t-shirt, sloppy hair and lack of make-up, she almost looked like she had on the island. It was certainly close enough for Jack to buy it in his mental state. She bent to pick up the key I’d tossed near the door and slowly crept closer.
“Jack,” she called softly.
Jack jolted in my arms, his head snapping in her direction. “Kate?”
Her smile barely hid a wince. “Hey. I got them to give me the keys, but we have to be careful. They’re watching us.”
I sagged with relief as Jack nodded. It had worked.
“What are you doing here,” Jack asked as Kate reached to undo the cuffs.
She glanced at me and I shrugged. There was no telling where he was anymore.
“I wanted to see you,” she said, wisely opting for vague answers. She got the cuffs undone and Jack reached for her, hugging her tightly, desperately.
I slipped carefully from the bed while he was distracted. He didn’t notice. I nodded to Kate - ‘Tag, you’re it,’ I thought wearily - and made for the door, being sure not to make any noise.
“Where’s Sawyer,” I heard him ask innocently as I slipped out the door.
********
I was deeply asleep on the bed in the second, unused bedroom when I was shaken awake by a loud yell.
“Sawyer,” Kate shouted. The fear in her voice had me wide awake in seconds.
I stumbled into my bedroom to find Jack on the floor, sprawled awkwardly, Kate hovering over him.
“What happened?” I dropped down at Jack’s other side and searched for his pulse. It took a few seconds to find it and while I didn’t know what the hell I was looking for, exactly, I was pretty sure it shouldn’t be fluttering like that.
“He had a seizure, I think. He just collapsed and started shaking.” Kate’s eyes were wild, her hands fluttering over Jack helplessly. “It just stopped, but I can’t wake him up.”
I looked around the room, feeling helpless, and my eyes landed on the empty glass on the bedside. “You give ‘im anythin’?”
“Just some Motrin. He had a headache. It’s all I had...”
I grabbed her wrist. “Get my phone and my keys. They’re in the top drawer of my desk. I’ll carry ‘im.”
“Shouldn’t we call 911?”
“We’re too far outta the city. It’ll take too long. Go!”
She hesitated a couple seconds longer and then nearly tripped over herself darting from the room.
I must have strained every muscle in my arms and shoulders trying to lift him. He may have lost a lot of muscle since the island, but he was still a good 200 pounds of dead weight. I barely noticed though – I was too busy panicking, pleading with him and God equally.
‘Please, don’t die.’
TBC
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
You updated!
Date: 2009-10-19 06:21 am (UTC)I trust you, regardless of the outcome. And I can't wait to see them past the madness, and the addiction too. :) Hope you update soon.
Re: You updated!
Date: 2009-12-04 04:35 pm (UTC)Wow. That's a lot of faith. I shall try not to abuse that power.
And don't worry: I have yet to kill Jack in a Lost fic and I don't plan to start anytime soon. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-19 07:33 pm (UTC)RJ
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-04 04:41 pm (UTC)Really? I kind of pulled that out of my ass. Guess I should've consulted you about the medical stuff. ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-21 01:51 am (UTC)great update:)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-04 04:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-29 02:35 am (UTC)Glad u updated, keep going please, wana reado more =)
Have a great day, Cheers
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-04 04:59 pm (UTC)Re: Last three comments
Date: 2009-12-04 05:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-19 10:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-25 10:39 am (UTC)RJ
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-11 08:45 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-26 11:09 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-11 08:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-21 04:16 pm (UTC)