Site update - Matthew Fox and The X-Files

[diandrahollman]

I updated my site for the first time since last summer with all the recaps I've been piling up the last few months. Mostly, they are recaps of episodes of "Haunted", but it also includes "Speed Racer" and the new (and hopefully last if Chris Carter doesn't get his act together) X-Files movie. Feel free to poke around and let me know what you think. Or just yell at me for destroying the tattered remains of a beloved franchise. Whatever.

 

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I take a little break and come back to see Tim’s hands tying Frank’s wrists (much too tightly) to the headboard. I take a minute to verify that I haven’t accidentally switched files (not that I have any bondage porn saved on my computer but you never know what some of those spammers might send you in the mail). Frank is just starting to come around. “What’s the safeword, Sawyer?” he mutters. Oh, like you didn’t know I was going there. -- Haunted episode 7

Marcus reminds him that Nick works for the DA and could probably work a few loopholes to get Frank sent to a federal penitentiary where his cellmate is a heavily muscled biker gang rapist who demands Frank call him “Daddy”. My muse perks up at this idea and it takes me a good day to distract her away from it again. -- Haunted episode 8

Martin shows him the “art room” and says they ask all new patients to create self portraits because it lets them see the patient as they see themselves. Some of these are in the background and I am entertained by the one of a heart-shaped smiley face under a rainbow. It looks like a preschooler drew it, but it’s totally what somebody like me who can’t draw to save her life would do. (“I would have drawn a mutilated version of myself surrounded by laughing demons, but I can’t draw people so here’s a rainbow and some kittens. Want to make something of it?”) -- Haunted episode 10

I think maybe the writers were going for “deep” and “philosophical” but ended up more in the realm of nonsensical blithering. Did Chris Carter take a job on the writing staff? -- Haunted episode 10

"Hi, my name is Frank and my life sucks. Everyone I care about inevitably leaves me and I see dead people, but not in the harmless Haley Joel Osment kind of way. More like the “we need your help but we’re not above killing you to make a point” sort of way, which doesn’t really make sense but it seems to work for Melinda Gordon, so whatever. Oh, and Simon may or may not have some sort of psychic connection to me which has lead him to park himself permanently in my apartment and try to relieve his boredom by driving me as loony as he is and making all sorts of vague threats against me and my ex-wife. Have I mentioned he’s a pervert? Yeah. I stopped sleeping when I started waking up covered in cigarette ashes and something sticky I can’t identify with Simon hovering in the corner looking oddly satisfied." -- Haunted episode 11

Mulder snorts that this isn’t an exact science and if it were him he’d be watching Joe 24/7. “I’d be in bed with him, kissing his holy ass.” “But enough about our personal life,” the Beard adds. -- "The X-Files: I Want to Believe"

“Skinner,” Mulder asks woozily. “I’m cold.” Skinner cuddles him closer and tells him he’ll be okay (“I gotcha”) and thousands of slashers run for their computers, chased by rabid plot bunnies. -- "The X-Files: I Want to Believe"

Speaking of rubber, can I ask what fetishist designed Matthew’s costume? I know it’s a vast improvement over the original Racer X outfit and Matthew said in some interview somewhere that his son would find it cool, but...well, let’s just say if it was my father prancing around in a dominatrix outfit and a skull cap I’d be telling everyone I was adopted. -- Speed Racer

Taejo hauls himself upright and snarls “you do not tell me what I can do!” X does not say ‘Gee, you’ve gotten younger since I last saw you John. Also, less white.’ -- Speed Racer

Susan Sarandon: Hey! Watch it! I just found out I’m playing mom to a 42 year old and – what’s worse – THAT’S ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE. I have officially been relegated to playing grandma. Or at least Over the Hill Mom. You do NOT want to mess with me right now. -- Speed Racer