Lost review - the end of The End (sniffle)

[diandrahollman]

Okay, I know it's been three weeks since the finale but I'm *still* reeling and trying to sort out the emotions this show has dredged up over the past season. Also? I knew once I finished this, in a way it would really be over. I've said I went through about three stages of grief even before the finale aired. I had hoped to be at acceptance by now, but apparently I'm still fully in denial. Sigh.

Let's get on with it then.

First part here
Second part here

[Diandra finally recovers from that beautifully moving Sawyer/Juliet reunion, wipes tears from her eyes and hits play on the DVR]

Sideways!Jack arrives at the concert and runs right into Kate...

[Diandra groans, turns the DVR off again, pulls a pillow over her head and takes a nap]

Seriously? Seriously. Sawyer and Juliet just got the mother of all reunions after a whole season spent apart and Jack and Kate get two big moments within five minutes? Oh, fine.

"It's over," she says. Really, writers, you can stop that now. We get it. She's all smiley and flirty and asks if he's looking for someone like maybe he's looking for her. He starts rambling about his son and how he was supposed to bring him to the concert and WARNING! WARNING! WIND BLOWING THROUGH MINNESOTA! AAAAOOOOOOGGGGAAAAA!! Heh. They've been trying to keep the bleating weather scroll to a minimum all night and now they just blare it in the middle of Jack's sentence. "Oh, it's just Jack talking. Nobody will notice." They probably have a point because Kate's not listening either. She's just smiling at him like 'Christ, I forgot how pretty you are. Am I drooling? Fuck it. I love you.'

Kate finally realizes he's straining to recognize her and failing miserably and she's going to have to take the lead here because he's *never* going to figure it out for himself. Considering they were living together and engaged once upon a time I imagine she can't be all that surprised by this. He gets a couple brief flashes when she touches him but then they *stop* and he stumbles away, still surrounded by a cloud of confusion and denial. So...she's *not* his catalyst? Huh. Or Jack is resisting the memory merge everyone else has been having because he's apparently frustratingly stubborn in every universe. Again though, I like that Kate isn't his catalyst. At least not really. I take this to mean they were important enough to each other in the Original!verse to have some sort of connection, but not enough for it to make them break through completely. In other words, Jack may have been important in Kate's life but Aaron was *more* important. "I know you don't understand," she says, probably not for the first time in their relationship. "But if you come with me, you will." Take the blue pill, Jack. Or is it the red one? I always get them mixed up...that's probably a bad thing.

A week ago I said Kate wasn't looking so good in the original verse (what with being shot and nearly drowned and all) and I wasn't sure she would survive the finale. This week? She's acting perfectly fine, lifting small trees, shooting Smokey the Locke Monster and jumping off a cliff. Jack? Is covered in blood and leaning on Hurley like he's gonna fall over any second. I'm not sure I would call that whole thing with Kate a *mislead* necessarily, but... And the island quaking and rocks falling everywhere looks kind of cheesy in this scene. Like you can practically see the guys off camera throwing fake rocks at the actors. Just saying. There's probably totally a scene on the blooper reel where one of those rocks bounces off of somebody's head. Jack waits until they're at the Island Vagina to tell Hurley that this is basically a suicide mission. And then Hurley makes me cry. Seriously. His teary-eyed, stubborn denial is *breaking* my *heart* and I'm not sure which I want more: to hug Hurley or shake the hell out of Jack.

Jack: "It needs to be *you*, Hugo."
Me: FUCKING HELL, I *KNEW* IT!

Seriously, This was just one of the many times I said something like this. I only stopped suggesting it when it seemed hideously futile thinking because it was obvious we were headed toward Jack being the new Jacob. Damnit, WHY didn't I stick to my original theory? Oh, right. Because Jack has been refusing to leave the island and apparently the only way Hurley is going to end up as the new Jacob *now* is if Jack dies.

[Diandra hovers protectively over her Jack clone until the Sawyer clone smacks her out of the way and reminds her that this is *his* job, damnit.]

Seriously, this scene is painful. They're both crying and Hurley is moaning that Jack isn't supposed to *die*, damnit, and Jack is spewing some more crap about destiny again (seriously, where is Rose and her threats to punch him in the mouth when you need her?) and saying he *believes* in Hurley and Hurley, sobbing, finally says FINE THEN, but the minute you turn that light off I'm hauling your ass back up here and you're TAKING IT BACK.

*Diandra reaches through her TV screen and hugs Hurley for dear life, blubbering*
Jack: "Deal."
Diandra: *turns and punches Jack* LIAR!

Can somebody explain this transfer of power thing to me? Mommy chanted an incantation over the wine before making Jacob drink it. We never got confirmation of this, but I sort of assumed it was the combination of the same wine and Jacob's touch that turned Richard immortal. Jacob chanted over a stream before handing a cup full of the water to Jack. Jack? Dunks an old plastic Oceanic Airlines bottle in a puddle, hands it to Hurley and says "drink this". What? How does that work, exactly? How can Jack, who is bleeding to death because the island drain plug being removed stripped him of the immortality that comes with being island protector, transfer that power to Hurley with *less* fanfare than anyone else?

Hurley *looking around cautiously*: "Is that it?"
Me: NO, that's NOT IT. What the FUCK?
Jack *touching Hurley's shoulder*: "Now you're like me."

*groan* Seriously, that line is starting to sound really dumb. I have a feeling that's because they're trying to be really vague about what the island is and what being the Protector of the Light really means, but...blergh. And I feel I have to point out that if we're following whatever crazy rules we seem to have been following this season, Jack's half-ass ritual there shouldn't have made Hurley the new *Jacob*, it should have made him the new Richard. Really. Jacob handed Richard a cup of wine that he *didn't* incant over and touched his shoulder, which is pretty much what Jack just did with Hurley. It didn't make Richard Jacob's replacement - it just made him immortal. Unless that muttering Jack was doing while standing in the river at the beginning of the episode consecrated all the water on the island which would be stupid because then *anybody* including Vincent could become island leader indiscriminately, so let's not even go there (though Vincent as the new Jacob has some awesome potential, doesn't it?). Also? Jack and Hurley are having an emotional moment with tears on both sides and they're still not hugging. This scene is seriously messed up.

Oh, yeah. And we're lowering Jack into the cave while the island is quaking every two minutes. That's a good idea. At least he didn't fall far. Maybe he just broke his leg. No? He's still going through with this? Damnit. And Desmond is wailing that he thought when he put the light out he would "leave this place" and "it didn't work!" Well, why don't you try turning it back on then and see what happens? Seriously, Desmond. Grab one of those rocks that are sliding all over the place, give Jack a good whack in the head and go do it. Damnit, WHY DOES NO ONE LISTEN TO ME?

Desmond: "You were right Jack."
Jack: "Well, there's a first time for everything."
HA! Seriously, who *are* you and when did you become such a smartass?

My muse is temporarily distracted by the image of Desmond laying flat on his back with Jack tying ropes around him. WeeeeeHoYay. Ahem. Sorry.

Desmond protests that Jack can't put the rune back in because it'll kill him. Desmond has to be the one to do it. Jack says he's done enough and he should go home to Penny and Wee Charlie. This? Makes no sense to me. Why? Why did Widmore drag Desmond back to crazy island kicking and screaming under apparent orders from Jacob just to nearly destroy the island so *Jack* could die trying to fix it again? Why would putting the plug back in kill Desmond if taking it *out* didn't because he's a special snowflake with electromagnetic immunity? I know deep down we all suspected the show would end with Jack dying and him making a sacrifice to save humanity (or whatever) makes total sense. It just seems to me like *this* method of sacrifice is pointless. If there had been another way for Jack to sacrifice himself for the greater good that didn't involve a mystical drain that shoots electromagnetic death rays maybe I wouldn't be screaming at my television right now, willing Desmond to punch Jack out and jump back in the pool.

Jack: "I'll see you in another life, brother."
Me: SHUT UP, JACK. *blink* Wow. I haven't had to say that for a long time.

*Diandra takes a deep breath and entertains herself for a while with thoughts of Desmond saving Jack, Jack realizing he's still immortal and Sawyer coming back and becoming the new Richard*

Speaking of Sawyer, he has the understatement of the season when he and Kate get to Hydra island and everything starts shaking again and he sees a *huge* chunk of cliff crack off from the main island and splash into the ocean. "Oh, that ain't good." Heh. Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Why does Claire still not want to leave even though the whole island is falling apart around her ears? I left my son and he won't even remember me and now I'm a crazy person with a bird's nest where my hair used to be and waaaaaahhhh. Um, okay. So you no longer want to LIVE at all? Though Kate seems to get through to her absurdly quickly considering she's had three years of rocking a dead boar body in a baby cradle and several days of changing her mind about whether she wants to leave or not every other scene. 'Oh, Kate is promising to help me raise my son? Okay then! Where's the plane?' She also doesn't even bother to ask where everyone else (like, um...her brother) is. Hmph.

Hey, remember when I predicted that the skeletons in the cave would turn out to not be a romantic couple but possibly related in some other way like...say...Jack and Claire? (I did say this out loud somewhere, right? Why can't I find it?) Yeah. Oops.

And we come back to the cave to find Jack laying on the ground near the glowing red drain, groaning. Um...did we miss something here? Did he pass out again? Seriously, why is Desmond not doing anything? Did he pass out too? And because pretty much everybody has already pointed it out, I'm not even going to touch the Freudian subtext here of putting the phallic-looking rune stone back in the tub drain/island vagina. I'll just point out that Jack managed to stagger a couple feet away and yet somehow couldn't collapse *outside* the pool area like Desmond did. No, he has to fall, like, a FOOT short and then just LAY THERE crying and waiting to die.

Jack clone [whining]: Because I'm *supposed* to die! That was my purpose! I was never supposed to leave the island! I had to save everyone!
Sawyer clone [stuffing gag in Jack clone's mouth]: Shut up, Jackass.
*Diandra shoots the Sawyer clone a grateful look, then grumbles and glares at the furiously hopping plot bunnies*

Meanwhile...
Miles: "Way to wait 'til the last second, Jim."
Sawyer: "Good to see you too, Enis."
Oh, please tell me they're moving in together when they reach the mainland. I mean...that's probably why they're partners in the sideways, right? They spent a significant amount of time together in this universe and followed each other over to SidewaysVille?

Man. That whole sequence of the plane taking off. I think I nearly swallowed my tongue. I blame Giacchino again what with that nerve-wracking score. And Kate and Claire holding hands? Yeah. They're totally moving in together and playing My Two Mommies to Aaron. Which is really what should have happened a long time ago. And kudos to whoever realized the parallel of sorts here and dubbed this group the Ajira 6. Wonder what lie they'll have to tell now to explain why Kate disappeared and came back with five completely different people, one of whom disappeared a hundred and sixty years ago.

And Jack is *still* sitting in the pool area crying. For god's SAKE, Desmond, would you wake up and drag him out of there?! I'm sorry, I really don't get this "you will die if you put the plug back in" thing. There's at least a good thirty seconds between the time the rune is inserted and the electromagnetic sparks start shooting. There was also a delay between the time Desmond removed the rune and the thing turned off - apparently plenty of time for him to get clear as he climbed out of the pool before it finished draining. I'm sure you can make all sorts of excuses for why this makes perfect sense, but for me it makes about as much sense as setting a bomb and then SITTING ON IT and waiting for it to go off even though you have just enough time to jump clear of the blast radius. The only way I can see this making sense is if Jack was too injured to drag himself clear in time and in a couple scenes that theory is going to be shot all to hell, so...I know, I know. He'd still be bleeding to death from a stab wound. But at least that would be less unnecessarily painful. He'd still be the big hero who saved the island. Oh, who am I kidding? This is Jack we're talking about. Of course he'd sacrifice himself in the most dramatic, agonizing way possible.

And then I'm confused again because water starts pouring and the light turns back to it's normal yellow and starts flashing electromagnetic energy and Jack is *laughing* and crying and not showing any signs of pain whatsoever. *Desmond* was shrieking in agony and he has some sort of special ability to survive it with few adverse effects. But now Jack can LAY in the pool with electromagnetic bursts flashing all around him powerfully enough to totally obscure his face from view at times and apparently suffer *less* for it? Why bother making all these rules and saying Desmond is the only exception to them if we're just going to screw with all of them in the end anyway? And Hurley and Ben are just now pulling Desmond up. And Desmond is conscious. You people all suck.

And back to the Sideways. I know Darlton assured fans the finale would use broad spiritual themes that aren't specific to any particular religion, but...isn't that kind of negated by the GIANT JESUS STATUE in front of the CHURCH they keep coming back to? *grumble* Okay, so Locke arrives in a cab which is, for some reason, NOT driven by Mr. Abaddon (too busy shooting "Fringe", was he?) and he's still in his wheelchair because apparently he can wake up from heavy anesthesia and move his legs in record time but we draw the line at him hopping out of bed and walking right away. And he runs into Ben, who says he's "very sorry for what I did to you." Oh, you mean killing him and making him the perfect vessel for an evil smoke creature? Yeah. Say it with flowers, dude. Oh, he's not finished. He says he was selfish and jealous of the fact that Locke was so "special". And Locke forgives him. And Ben gets all teary-eyed. Damnit. I'm going to miss the bastard.

Then Ben points out that Locke probably doesn't need to be in that chair anymore and Locke throws it aside and heads up the stairs into the church. Yeah, so much for that line we couldn't cross. But it's probably a good thing because it doesn't look like the church has any sort of handicapped access so I don't know how exactly he was planning to go in there in the first place.

And Desmond is unconscious in the Original verse now. Nice to see he put that last burst of energy to good use. [/sarcasm] And Hurley realizes Jack is "gone" and starts full-on crying. And Ben is probably not the most comforting person for Hurley to have around right now.
Hurley: "What the hell am I supposed to do?"
Ben: "I think you do what you do best. Take care of people..." [To which Hurley's response should probably be "that's what Jack always did *sob*!"] "...You can start by helping Desmond get home."
Yeah? And then what? The only people left on the island now are Hurley, Ben and Bernard and Rose, who are just fine on their own and don't want to have anything to do with anybody. Seriously, all that's left for him to take care of is the fucking island itself. I mean, presumably people will start crashing on the island again because it's a giant, equipment-destroying magnet, but...what, is Hurley just supposed to help people escape the crazy island until his replacement arrives or hell freezes over, whichever comes first? Though the look on Ben's face when Hurley asks him to be his second in command almost makes up for it. Awww. 'Somebody thinks I'm worthy! Sob!'

And in the Sideways Hurley and Ben have a sweet little moment where they compliment each other on being a "really good number 2" and "a *great* number one." Awww. Seriously, where's their spin off? Or are we just going to have, like, one extra scene on the DVDs?

There aren't enough words to describe how ugly Jack's truck is. Really. It's a big, lumbering eyesore that probably guzzles gas like crazy and from the noises it's making as he's pulls it into a spot outside the church I'm frankly surprised it doesn't just fall apart the minute he puts it in park. Where did he find this thing and did the person who sold it to him hate him for some reason? And apparently Kate, in the passenger seat, was directing him the whole way and he didn't ask any questions until right now, when he suddenly realizes he's at the church he was going to have his father's funeral in (which, yes, it *is* the church they had the funeral in in the original verse, which I guess Kate would know now since she was there). Ah, television. She says he can go around back and she'll be waiting for him inside when he's "ready". Yeah. How long are you willing to wait, exactly? 'Cause that could take a while. Except I guess she might be hoping that flashing almost her entire bare leg at him as she's stepping out of the truck will speed along the process because WOW HELLO. And then she walks away very slowly so he can get a good look at her ass. (Or possibly because she can't walk any faster in those absurd call girl heels without hurting herself.) Yeah. 'You know where to find me, handsome. *wink*'

Meanwhile, in the original verse, Jack has landed in EXACTLY THE SAME SPOT where Jacob found Brother/Esau/He Who Was Never Named, face down on a rock. I know I'm not the only one who totally expected this to mean a column of white/grey smoke shot out of the "heart" of the island when we weren't looking. Seriously. Read this and tell me you can't see that happening. Oh, but he's not dead yet. And I suppose that makes a difference somehow? Oh, fuck you, channel five, I REALLY don't care about the thunderstorm four counties away right now! I'm too busy screaming about the fact that Jack couldn't drag himself two feet from the electromagnetic vagina of doom two minutes ago, but suddenly he can stagger out of a river and wander around half-dead *after* being exposed to the same electromagnetic radiation that apparently crippled Desmond for several scenes. WHAT THE FUCK?

Sideways!Jack, meanwhile, is in a room that is full of references to every religion Darlton can think of representations for (with some other random references to Lost mythology apparently...I mean, really? A donkey wheel?). And the camera is LINGERING on every one of them in case we were confused into thinking this was just a Christian church by the GIANT JESUS STATUE outside. Speaking of Christian, the coffin is just sitting in the middle of the room and Jack makes a full circle around it that takes longer than five seconds before touching it. And flash. Of course his daddy issues would be his catalyst. And, naturally, he starts to run away after a brief flash again, but I'll assume the gorgeous woman in the tiny black dress has made him curious enough to go back this time. And he gets the longest flashback of anyone that includes every major character and significant event he went through on the island (including Sawyer telling him his father loved him. Yeah.) and it ends with his cliffside kiss with Kate like I cared to see that again. And he finally opens the coffin and...it's empty. Yeah, I totally called that one. Ha!

And then John Terry's voice says "hey, kiddo," from offscreen and Jack turns to find him just standing there in the middle of the room and my head explodes.
Jack: "I don't understand...you died."
Christian: "Yes, I did."
Jack: "Then how are you here right now?"
Christian: "How are *you* here?"
Jack: "...I died too."
Me: ".................................................................oh shiiiiiiiiiittttt."

Yeah, this is probably the point when I started mentally shrieking at my television. I was convinced that my reincarnation-like universe theory was at least partly right up until this moment when I found out that...well, *most* of my theory was right, but it was based on the apparently faulty assumption that the Sideways world was *real*, which it isn't because it's PURGATORY. How like Darlton is it to assure us for years that the island is not purgatory, then create an alternate reality where everyone is living perfectly normal lives in Los Angeles and there's no crazy time-altering island to trap them and then say THAT reality is purgatory? I know a lot of people thought that was a cheat, but that is totally the kind of mindfuckery I would expect from this show and I am totally going to miss that. No, the reason I was shrieking is because THEY'RE ALL DEAD! I mean...as a fan, this makes perfect sense to me and I can totally see how this was the way the show just *had* to end, but as a fanfiction author who writes primarily Jack/Sawyer fic...THEY KILLED JACK. In every reality! That's it! He died on the island and the Sideways!Verse is purgatory so *everyone's* dead there too. End of the line, his entire story arc is DONE.

*Diandra cuddles up to her Jack clone and sobs until the Sawyer clone shoves her away*
Sawyer clone [unbuckling his belt and using it to tie the Jack clone to the headboard]: Do you mind? You're kinda killin' the mood here.

And this is the point when I lost it completely. Jack has a complete emotional meltdown and Christian hugs him and tells him it's okay and Jack cries great big gasping sobs on his shoulder and somebody tell me this is on an Emmy reel. Dear Matthew Fox: Don't you DARE disappear on me. I started recapping your movies (all three of them) and I'm going to KEEP DOING IT, DAMNIT because you are fucking amazing and I love you.

And just in case I wasn't crying hard enough already, they keep hugging for, like, a minute straight and Christian gets all teary-eyed and there are a couple of garbled "I love you"s. I know you could probably argue that this whole thing doesn't make a whole lot of sense (what, is Jack mourning his own death or something?), but...fuck it, I don't care. It's beautiful. *sob*

And now Jack finally thinks to ask if Christian's real. This is probably something you should have asked BEFORE you sobbed and snotted all over his shoulder, Jack. For those of us who are confused, Darlton talk directly through Christian to say that yes, they're all real and EVERYTHING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU IS REAL. Damnit, I thought maybe we could write off that whole Achara debacle. (Seriously when you think of all the STDs that were passed around the Triangle...*shivers* poor Kate. Though part of me wants to note that Jack and Sawyer may as well have slept together since they ended up giving each other STDs anyway). Oh, and everyone else in that church is real and they're all dead, but some of them died before Jack and some "long after" him (anyone wanna take bets on how long Hurley was the new Jacob?). And "there is no *now* here" despite the fact that everyone's individual "lives" in purgatory seem to be following some sort of linear path (more on that later).

Jack: "Where are we, dad?"
Christian: "Well, this is a place that you all made together so that you could find one another."
Me: Okay, so...what was the *island*?
Darlton: [crickets chirpping]
Christian: "The most important part of your life was the time that you spent with these people."
Me: Let's see...rocky childhood...daddy issues...ill-conceived marriage...cheating...divorce...more daddy issues...tattoo artist/prostitute...alcoholism...yeah, that's a pretty safe argument.

Christian: "Nobody does it alone Jack. You needed all of them and they needed you."
Me: Oh, you did not just use the same argument I made several weeks ago in a completely different context. Damnit.
Jack: "For what?"
Christian: "To remember. And to let go."
And now we know why Jack was the last one on board with all of this (re: letting go = not his strong suit) and why probably nobody was surprised he was resisting the whole way. Oh, and Christian says no, they're not *leaving*, they're *moving on*, which...yeah, I'm sorry I don't see a significant distinction there.

Jack: "Where are we going?"
Darlton: I'm sorry, we don't have an answer to that that covers every religion known to man (or at least known to *us* anyway). Just shut up and walk into the light.

And Michael Giacchino starts playing that really pretty theme he always plays when something really emotional is happening and he wants us to cry rivers and Jack walks out to find everybody hugging each other and smiling and is everything supposed to look blurry or does it just seem that way because I can't stop crying? Oh, come on, do we really need Sayid and Shannon practically eyefucking in the middle of it all? No, I take that back. There is no *practically* about what they're doing. I love Sayid, but I barely tolerated Shannon most of the time and I'm kind of wishing they weren't here right now so I could focus on all the other pretty people having emotional reuinions.

And we're intercutting this with a very pale, bloodied Jack staggering through the jungle. I remember years ago seeing/participating in a discussion somewhere online about how the show would end and where Jack would fit into that ending. The consensus was that Jack would survive to the last episode, but then the show would most likely end with him dying. Since this was back when I was in one of the hate cycles of my love-hate relationship with Jack my reaction was pretty much 'meh. Sounds about right.' If someone had told me back then that actually watching it happen would be this PAINFUL and HEARTBREAKING and would make me want to just curl up in a fetal position and sob hysterically I probably wouldn't have believed them. But here we are.

And in Purgatory Church, Locke shakes Jack's hand with a friendly smile and says "we've been waiting for you."

And Jack is walking past some shoes hanging from a tree just like in the pilot and Giacchino is seriously KILLING ME WITH THIS MUSIC HERE.

And Jack joins in all the hugging in Purgatory Church and the way Desmond hugs him makes the slash bunnies run amok. Seriously. No, seriously. There's full body contact and Desmond has this *look* like he's *really* enjoying it if you know what I mean. I'm going to pretend Desmond whispered a few promises of lots of hot, slash orgies once they reach whatever level of afterlife they're going to in Jack's ear before they separated. Boone gives Jack this beautiful serene smile before he hugs him and Hurley lifts him about three feet off the ground. Is anyone else noticing the overbalance of male characters Jack is having weepy reunions with here? And then there's Sawyer. And they're smiling at each other and hugging and OH FOR GOD'S SAKE WOULD YOU TWO KISS ALREADY?!

Sawyer Clone [extracting his tongue from Jack Clone's mouth]: Do you *mind*?
Jack Clone: Actually, I'd kind of like to hear more about that orgy with Desmond. That sounds kind of fun...oh FUCK! [moans incoherently as the Sawyer Clone's head disappears beneath the sheets where he presumably puts his tongue to better use]

Oh, there's Kate. Um...except she just takes Jack's hand and they smile at each other for a good minute before she leads him over to one of the pews. And yeah, okay, she's plastered to his side once they're sitting down, but... Seriously, I know this episode is supposed to convince me that Jack and Kate were meant to be together even after death or something along those lines, but I'm getting more of a brother and sister vibe from them. And I'm not sure that would have changed even if they'd had another reuinion kiss here. They've always been a pretty lukewarm pairing (except maybe for about two fleeting minutes a few years back) as far as I was concerned and this is just validating that point. Look at the way Desmond greeted Jack and then look at the way Kate greeted him and then tell me which one you think had more sparks flying. I mean, really.

And Jack finds the same tiny clearing he woke up in after the crash in the pilot episode and collapses and he seems to be bleeding from his nose and ears and the bloodstain on his shirt has reached absurd proportions like how the hell is he still *conscious* anymore and where was all this apparently superhuman strength when he needed to get away from the painful electromagnetic death rays?

Everyone else finds seats in Purgatory Church and all the couples are leaning on each other and smiling dopily and I think I might actually be getting a cavity from all the sugary sappiness. And Christian puts a hand on Jack's shoulder and looks all proud and loving which is a look that Jack probably never saw on him before when he was alive.

And then Vincent barks and anyone who wasn't already crying officially loses their shit. He runs up and licks Jack's face and lays next to him in the little bamboo clearing and I probably would have started bawling right here if I hadn't already been crying for the past five minutes straight. Although how sad is it that Vincent - who was never especially attached to Jack and who Jack hasn't even seen for years - was the only living creature who could sit with Jack so he wouldn't have to die alone?

I just realized Christian is still wearing those ugly sneakers Jack put on him in the casket because he couldn't find some decent shoes. Which...everybody else has been able to change clothes in Purgatory so that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Except what everyone is wearing *now* seems to be approximating what they were wearing when they crashed on the island (those who did, which is not even all of them), so...my head hurts. And he opens the door to the church and everyone looks peaceful as the white light pours in...

And then the Ajira plane flies over the bamboo grove and Jack smiles and Michael Giacchino kills me softly with his song for the last time and the final image of the series is a close up of Jack's eye as it closes. *SOB*

*warning: the next couple paragraphs contain a lot of possibly nonsensical blathering and crying and nostalgic indulgence*

By the time the final, silent title card flashed across my screen on May 23 I had tears pouring rather steadily down my face. I pulled it together, turned off the television, and started getting ready for bed because I had to go to work in the morning. Fifteen minutes later I was brushing my teeth when I spontaneously burst into tears again. This may have been partially due to a couple initial reactions people were posting on my flist. A half hour (and a couple more LJ posts) later I cried again. I spent the next day crying every time I logged on to LJ and read everyone's posts and comments. I'm still not sure which part was making me cry more: the loss of the show or the loss of the fandom. I know the fandom will survive past the end of the show, but once the fall season starts, many of us will be distracted by new shows and, well, move on.

I don't understand people who say this show needed to end because it had been going for, like, *forever*. Maybe my sense of time is warped, but it felt like those six years just flew by. Especially the last two. I've joked that this show was my sanity keeper - which, judging by the way my mother looked at me when I said it out loud, is not the best way to put it. But it has been my primary mode of escaping from reality for six years. This was especially apparent this year when all the ranting about how awful people thought the show was getting started to actively depress me. I was relying on the show and its fandom to help me escape from the circus that has become political opinions in this country - where expressing my opinion that Governor Pawlenty is a royal asshole just because he destroyed the education system in this state and by extension my mother's career seems to invite people to scream at me and call me a confused liberal socialist. It began to feel like I couldn't talk to anyone about Lost either - online or in real life - without having to put up with similarly heated screaming about how awful the show had gotten and "my god, you're still watching that? Why?" The fact that that all changed after the finale - that the whole fandom seemed to rally around each other to sob on each other's shoulders and talk about how much they were going to *miss* this in spite of all the potholes along the way - made it all worth it though.

This show has been in the background of a lot of memorable/turbulent events in my life - many of them this season alone. I was watching it the day my dog died four years ago (that episode still makes me cry for that reason alone). It has seen me through two college degrees, the loss of several family friends, a soul-sucking job search in the worst job market in recent history, the exhilarating high of finally landing a job (which I'm sure I got by debating "Lost" theories the entire car ride to the interview to distract myself and ensure I was calm and collected going in), and the infuriating low of my mother losing *her* job after a decade of service. I wrote papers on the show for my television studies class, my major paper in psychology and a library cataloging class (see "Bad Twin" and the rules of cataloging books "written" by fictional persons). I have made friends online and off through our mutual fascination/love of the show.

A day or so after the finale I was thinking about the implications of the Sideways Purgatory verse and I made a parallel in my mind to the Rainbow Bridge. A few days later, my dog died, and as I held her little body and cried all I could think of was the Rainbow Bridge and that blasted church with the white light and hope that wherever she is she has already found her sister (the other dog I mentioned above) and my grandfather. It seems fitting, in a way, that this show was with me this one last time, helping me cope with the loss of my canine "sister". 


*deep breath* Okay. Let's get to the analysis and crazy-ass theories, shall we?


Sideways Purgatory:

I know a lot of people were grumbling about the way Christian claimed there is no *now* in the Sideways Purgatory verse even though the timeline seemed linear. I remember seeing a discussion online somewhere about the timeline of the Sideways verse seeming *off* earlier in the season. Nothing major, really, it just seemed like events in one person's flash sideways didn't *quite* match up with events in the next person's. It's possible the inconsistencies people were pointing to were just simply mistakes the writers made or the result of plot points being put in weird order so the audience didn't clue in to certain things too early. But here's my fanwank: maybe the timeline seemed slightly off because each character's perspective of time was slightly off.

At the beginning of the season none of the characters realized SidewaysVille was purgatory and many of them still didn't figure it out until the finale. This waiting room/universe they "created" to find each other followed a linear timeline because human consciousness follows a linear timeline. In other words, it is instinctive. This is what is familiar to them. However, once the characters separated at the airport their perspectives of that linear timeline became *slightly* out of sync with each other. So two events that seemed to happen hours apart in Sayid's timeline seemed to happen one immediately after the other in Sun and Jin's timeline (or vice versa...I forget what the problem with that one was).

Maybe. Or maybe I'm giving the writers too much credit in their ability to keep timelines straight because they always seemed to do a good job of it in the past when they only had to juggle a couple characters and plots at a time. My head hurts and my nose is bleeding. That's probably not a good sign, is it?

It's amazing how easy it is to ignore clues that should have been giant red flags with this show and feel incredibly stupid later. Remember when Sarah showed up massively pregnant in Jack's "flashback" and we were thinking "huh...weren't they divorced, like, less than a year before the plane crash? And yet she's already remarried and eight months pregnant. And how could Jack have had time after the divorce and trip to Thailand to fall into depression, get addicted to drugs, and then sober up before getting on Oceanic 815?" And yet we still assumed it was a flashback until Kate showed up at the airport and Jack started blathering about going back to the island? Yeah. In hindsight, we should really have seen that coming. Not that that experience taught me to recognize a mind-bending "Lost" plot twist when I see one apparently...

Desmond: "No one can tell you why you're here Kate. [...] I'm not talking about the church. I'm talking about *here*."

Pretty much everything Desmond said in this episode should have been a clue, I think. Also the way everyone kept talking about "letting go" and Ben said he wasn't ready to "leave" because he still had some "things" he needed to work out. Which brings me to my next point...


Re: the presence/absence of characters X, Y and Z:

I think we've gone around and around this topic on LJ. The fact that not every major character on the show was in the church at the end just means not every major character was connected to that specific core group. I assume Charlotte, Daniel, Miles and Lapidus were more connected to each other and probably other loved ones we never met than they were to the Oceanic group. And apparently Charlotte and Daniel's connection was too fleeting for them to be each other's constants. Maybe. (Though apparently we cut off right after they touched, so who knows?) We don't know enough about their off-island lives to know what they need to figure out or who they need to join up with before they can move on. I assume the reason Ben is staying behind is because whatever he needs to work out involves Alex and Rousseau. Of course Alex would be more important to either of them than the rest of the "main" group.

Of course, one could question why *Boone* was in the group then since he didn't spend all that much time with these people but...he didn't have a long life before the island and he had, like, two quarts of Jack's blood running through him when he died so I guess I'm willing to let that one slide. Though the fact that we never saw what made him remember the original verse and I can't think of anything that would have caused him to break through makes his inclusion seem like he was shoehorned in because they were trying to close the series with more or less the same group of people - plus a couple love interests and Desmond - that they started with. The same could be said for Shannon/Maggie Grace because...really? Shannon was Sayid's one true love? Gag me.

The fact that Michael is stuck on the island with the rest of the whispering ghosts sucks, yes, but he was always sort of a loner so his inclusion in the Oceanic group would probably not have made sense anyway. Hopefully Walt has somebody else he can meet up with in Purgatory. And maybe Michael will eventually be able to leave the island - maybe it's "done with" the dead people after a while just as it is the living. He's just stuck there because he blew himself up before he had a chance to finish whatever he was there to do. The fact that Helen wasn't in the church even though Penny was...well, her relationship with Locke never went far in the original reality, so I guess their relationship in the Sideways was like Jack's relationship with Juliet: a fulfillment of something that never happened in the original verse, even if they weren't each other's constant. Or maybe Helen wasn't any more real a presence in the Sideways verse than David. Which brings me to my next point...


The "Lost" children:

It's easy to argue that Ji Yeon was never actually in the Sideways. Her image on the monitor was just part of the construct. The hard part - the part that gives me nosebleeds when I try to make sense of it - is figuring out whether or not Aaron and David were there in any capacity and why. It was pointed out on TWoP that everyone entered the Sideways at the age they were when they left the island, regardless of how old they were when they died. But while I might be able to buy that the most important people in Aaron's life were his two mommies - since they both lived it's possible he shared a lot of important life experiences with them - um...he gets to cross into the next life as an infant, unable to really interact with these people who meant so much to him? No wonder that newborn was so upset. He had to go through the whole trauma of birth again and get shclepped around the afterlife without any say in anything. Except...if we assume he's not really there, it negates the whole beautiful relationship between Kate, Claire and the baby they raised together and how he was their constant, so...blarg. There's no good way to fix this inconsistency, is there?

And then there is David. Now, presumably, he's no more real than Ji Yeon since he disappeared once Locke pointed out Jack didn't have a son. The fact that Jack had to invent a child to finish working through his daddy issues in purgatory seems...extreme? Why did he have to go to so much more trouble than everyone else? And what did Juliet have to do with it? Did her relationship with Jack and David help her find closure too somehow? I like the idea of Jack and Juliet having the relationship in the Sideways that they never had in the Original verse. They make a perfect former couple who went their separate ways amicably. But when you factor in the kid I start scratching my head and wishing my parallel/NOT purgatory universe theory was right because then this whole scenario would make a whole lot more sense.

It wasn't until a few days later that I saw a theory that made my head spin and my jaw go slack (and, strangely, I have only seen it in fanfiction). When we were theorizing earlier in the season who David's mother was, Kate was the option that made least sense. Jack and Kate didn't recognize each other on the plane, Kate was too young for a child that old, blah blah blah. But now that we know the Sideways has no "now" and everyone's ages are relative... there's nothing that says David can't be Kate's post-island son. Remember when everyone was recreating the conditions of the original Oceanic crash with Ajira 316 and some people theorized that Kate could be standing in for Claire as a pregnant woman since she slept with Jack before they left? Yeah. Totally possible since the whole Dharmaville plotline took place over less than a week and I'm sure all of season 6 island time didn't take a whole lot longer. She probably wouldn't know she was pregnant until she and Claire are back in civilization and she starts getting morning sickness. Of course, the longer I think about this theory the more it unravels. If David was really Kate's son, why would *Aaron* be her catalyst? And why would he have disappeared just because Locke pointed out that Jack never had a son if he was real?

And this is the point when I start babbling incoherently and reaching for the migraine medication. I *like* the theory, but I'm not sure it holds water and I just want to go back to the idea that the Sideways isn't purgatory and David is real and Juliet is his mother and she and Jack had a healthy relationship before going their separate ways so he could be with Sawyer. Yes, I said he. Y'all know me by now. ;)


Afterlife/Reincarnation:

I believe in reincarnation. At least I'd really like to because I find the idea that this one life is *it* depressing and implausible. More religions believe in reincarnation than not and Tawaret - the goddess the statue on "Lost" island depicts - has the job of guiding souls through the afterlife and HELPING THEM BE REBORN. I've said it in other people's review threads and I'll say it again: I think the next step after the white light is another mortal life. That's not to say they will relieve the same or even similar lives all over again. And the idea that they shouldn't have to live mortal lives again because that would mean they would have to face the ups and downs that come with mortality again seems naive and possibly even childish to me because yeah, that's life. You can't have the ups *without* the downs. You can't have the beautiful relationships - romantic or otherwise - without the eventual heartbreak. This show has always been big on pointing that fact out.

As I understand it, reincarnation presumes that in each life a soul has a particular lesson it needs to learn or connection to another soul it needs to make. The island brought them together because it is a crazy time-and-space shifting magnet, but they proved with their Sideways construct that they didn't necessarily *need* the island to find each other. They were crossing paths before the island. I take this as a sign that this was not the first life they followed each other into. They were destined to all come together one way or another. The fact that they were ultimately brought together by supernatural means is a product of the fact that they are characters on a show that is founded on a mutant combination of sci-fi and mysticism. So what the island *is* is, ultimately, inconsequential. (Hell, they could just as easily have all been survivors of the Titanic sinking in a past life).

The Sideways universe was a conscious construct of their own making where they could work through the issues they didn't finish working through in their lives for whatever reason - or try out other roads they didn't travel - and ultimately connect with each other, remembering, letting go and moving on to the next life as a group. None of them will be the same, nor will be their lots in the next life. Gender, nationality, etc. may not be the same for each person either. Jack could, in essence, be Sun the next time around and vice versa. Their specific bonds to each other - romantic, familial, friendship - may change but they will all find each other again, island or no island.


*Diandra hears a yelp and turns to find the Jack clone gripping the headboard for dear life while it bangs repeatedly into the wall*

Yeah. If you'll excuse me, I need to go...write...something.