Fanfiction...and other crap by Diandra Hollman

Fucking social media

2020-04-07T20:13:58Z

I have always favored Facebook over other forms of social media mainly because it's where the people I know in real life are. Also because it is easier to control what you post and who sees it. Not that Twitter doesn't have it's uses, namely the ability to scream at people about politics without them being able to track you down. I basically don't participate in the fandom side of Twitter anymore because that ugly bleeds over, like, A LOT, and I want fandom to be an ESCAPE, not more of the same fighting. This same sentiment goes double for Tumblr.

Lately, I have been censoring myself on Facebook a lot more though since there are at least two people who report everything I say to my mother. There used to be a third, but one was easily unfriended as I suspect she is a Trump supporter. Today I posted something tentatively worded to convey my fears about the coronavirus without prompting worried phone calls and got a...I want to say humbling...response reminding me that, to the scientific community at least, I am just a nameless statistic.

So I guess I will be spending less time there for the forseeable future too. I seriously wish this place was as active as Livejournal once was.

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I just want to survive this shitty timeline

2020-04-06T22:27:27Z

I am struggling to reconcile the reassurance that this thing isn't nearly as bad as the Spanish Flu, most people are surviving and my state seems to have done a really good job of containing it early on with the daily WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE hysterics I'm getting from just about everywhere. I keep cycling between confidence that I can get through this and panic attacks. And when I have a good day and I get a little bit of writing done, I find myself wondering if I could die and leave my WIPs unfinished and I realize THAT COULD HAPPEN LITERALLY ANY OTHER TIME. I don't have dependents, thank god, because it's difficult enough having to worry about my parents, my sister and my friends. But...is this my only legacy? Some stories that TPTB would rather didn't exist?

I just...I want to be able to fast foward to a time after this so I can be a little less scared.

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Fic update

2020-02-05T12:03:18Z

I, um...updated Destiny.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13094103/chapters/53925895

Non canon compliant MCU. Somewhat comic canon compliant.

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Russian Holmes

2020-01-10T22:59:39Z

So I'm watching the second episode of the Russian Sherlock Holmes series from the early 80s and two things...

HoYay. I mean...Watson goes to a crime scene, gets knocked unconscious and wakes up basically IN Holmes' lap, being lovingly tended to.

Second, as an entirely faithful adaptation of A Study in Scarlet, it reminded me of just how good those early episodes of BBC Sherlock were and how much I miss those days before it all went sideways.

Anyway. Obviously I just started watching it, but so far I would highly recommend it for fans of Doyle's detective as it is second only to Jeremy Brett's series which came a little later.

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Website update - recap

2019-12-30T02:47:40Z

Since I'm not on the hellsite that is Twitter anymore, I guess I need to come here to advertise my updates. I finished a recap of Iron Man - twelve movies into recapping the MCU, but hey. I'll probably quit doing MCU recaps soon anyway.

It and all my MCU recaps can be found here:
https://diandrahollman.neocities.org/recaps/marvel.html

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Like PTSD...

2019-12-11T18:44:14Z

I'm drinking coffee from my Sherlock Holmes mug and listening to a teen lit audiobook about a fanfiction writer obsessed with shipping the male leads of her favorite show and SO SURE that her ship will become canon and...it's...bringing up some not so great memories.

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diandrahollman @ 2019-11-22T18:43:00

2019-11-23T01:02:04Z

I see fandom people gush about how amazing Sherlock fandom is/was and how awesome an experience they had and...I wish I could understand. Because being in Sherlock fandom was such an overwhelmingly negative experience for me that it all but convinced me to leave ALL of fandom because obviously it is too hostile an environment for the good of my mental health. No joke: I actually had PTSD flashbacks of my worst years of high school playing human punching bag to a pack of bullies who openly invited me to commit suicide.

Anyway. I'm sure there were some nice people in Sherlock fandom, but I didn't find ANY until it was much too late. And now that I keep seeing the same awful behavior in other fandoms... I feel like this might be a generational thing. Like...younger fans take their fandom too seriously and are easily whipped into a frenzy. Or Tumblr and/or Twitter might have something to do with it. Which honestly reinforces the idea that fandom is no longer for me.

I still have WIPs I want to finish. And maybe, like, a one shot. But I think I might take a giant step back after that.

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diandrahollman @ 2019-11-14T07:33:00

2019-11-14T13:38:36Z

Captain America: Now that we have successfully defeated Thanos, I should retire and maybe work on my friendships with Bucky and Sam. Just...enjoy the peace.

Two seconds later: .........or....I could risk totally screwing up timelines by going into the past so I can date Peggy again to the point that I shouldn't even be able to return to the same timeline and might even risk the peace we just earned.

Somehow, despite all reason, he makes it back to the same timeline as an old man.

Dudebros in the fandom every time one of us points out this problem: You're just too stupid to understand!

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The overlap between these fandoms is probably small...

2019-11-02T00:49:35Z

Me, watching Fantasy Island as a fan fiction writer: I want William Shatner to guest star and be weirdly suspicious of Mr. Roark the whole time!

The show: does an episode about a little blonde girl named Allison who SEES DEAD PEOPLE.

Me: That...was not the crossover headcanon I was expecting, but I like it!

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diandrahollman @ 2019-10-24T07:03:00

2019-10-24T12:04:12Z

Woof. Apparently it's been a while since I updated my profile. I finished recapping Torchwwod and writing new Sherlock stories three years ago.

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diandrahollman @ 2019-10-21T07:28:00

2019-10-21T12:40:43Z

Today I briefly, accidentally blocked a long time IRL friend's Twitter account and I found myself wondering if I should have just left it that way. With the final Star Wars movies looking on the horizon he has begun to (unknowingly, I hope) parrot all the racist/sexist hate toward the new movies by fans who have been upset ever since the movies diversified their cast. I cannot say a word about Star Wars without launching him into a tirade, which basically means I can't talk about it on any social media because he follows me on all of them. I don't even particularly LIKE Star Wars, but I appreciate the new movies for their efforts to appeal to a larger audience that isn't just young white men and be about more than just war fantasies set in space.

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Goddamn Twitter

2019-10-21T00:45:12Z

Made the mistake of checking Twitter today and instantly regretted it. Lots of screaming and fighting and a ridiculous rant about Scorsese and Coppola not liking Marvel movies because they don't pander to white boys. Did I wake up in an alternate universe or something?

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There's got to be better hobbies...

2019-10-20T23:55:48Z

I mean...I love writing fan fiction...at least I think I do. But lately I'm crippled with fear of the possible abuse I could face from trolls, antis or attention seekers who write shitty reviews on anything (Amazon, Yelp...) so they can sound clever. I've never actually gotten reviews like that (well, a couple) but whenever I post new chapters, I end up waiting nervously for the response, certain the negativity will come.

There's got to be less stressful hobbies.

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Wow, so...

2019-10-18T21:37:20Z

I decided to take a step back from social media today. Didn't even look at Twitter and barely glanced at Facebook a couple times. And I feel better than I have in a LONG time. Less exhausted, less depressed, more energy. I mean...it's possible that there were other factors involved in this change, but it has DEFINITELY encouraged me to spend a whole lot less time on social media.

Except for this journal. I can totally still do this.

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diandrahollman @ 2019-10-17T22:07:00

2019-10-18T03:07:38Z

I feel like I should be spending all the time I have been devoting to social media here instead. WAY less toxic bullshit here. I need more people to follow though...

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I should spend more time here...

2019-10-05T14:08:33Z

Facebook is 90% shitty ads, Twitter and Tumblr are both toxic and horrible and I never got into any of the others. I would be here more often, but this site doesn't really work on mobile devices and I'm rarely on a computer anymore...

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diandrahollman @ 2019-09-06T17:12:00

2019-09-06T22:49:10Z

If I were to count years from one birthday to the next...this past year was the roughest. Mostly because of two months-long battles with men who felt a pressing need to prove their authority over me and make me miserable for basically the entire year. The last few weeks everything seemed to ramp up to the point where I became convinced that it would just FIGURE if I got into a major car accident on my birthday. AND I ALMOST FUCKING DID.

I really hope it's over now and this next year will be better. At least most of my friends seemed to understand and respect my desire to just lay low and get through the week with as little fanfare as possible. Including allowing me to spend most of my actual birthday crying without comment.

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Best and Worst

2019-08-04T23:13:07Z

Atlin Merrick asked a while back for stories about best fandom experiences. Even though I have been in "fandom" for nearly twenty years, my answer was easy. It was "Lost". I know there was drama and I'm sure there were nasty people in the fandom SOMEWHERE, but I was lucky enough that my experience was entirely positive. I found a circle of brilliant women on Livejournal who would have in-depth discussions every week about the latest plot developments and theorize about where the show was headed and what everything meant. We had debates about time travel and suicide theory and they challenged me to really THINK about the show on a deeper level and my enjoyment of the show itself was enriched all the more for it.

But thinking about my best fandom experience of course led me to consider the worst. This was also easy. Hands down, it was "Sherlock". I was describing my experience with "Lost" to a coworker recently and because I neglected to say what fandom it was, he thought I was talking about "Sherlock". He was surprised by the speed with which I said "oh, hell no!" Basically, "Sherlock" fandom was the polar opposite of "Lost" fandom for me. I'm sure there were plenty of lovely people there somewhere, but all I seemed capable of finding was the ones who were deeply invested in ugly shipper wars and making fun of people who like literally any other adaptation of Sherlock Holmes stories. At its worst, I was made an object of such scorn and ridicule in one Twitter group that I nearly gave up ALL of fandom entirely because MY GOD I should have left this shitty drama behind when I graduated high school.

Anyway. Those are the extreme ends of my fandom experience. Most of them fall somewhere between those.

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diandrahollman @ 2019-07-23T07:24:00

2019-07-23T12:12:06Z

I think I may need to get off social media. I'm tired of navigating between horrible people on Twitter just to find the ones that are merely annoying. I'm tired of reading the same three purity wanks and five memes on Tumblr. Instagram...is just useless. I'm tired of my Facebook feed being nothing but advertising. I would really li ke to delete my LinkedIn, but was told it is The Way of the Future™ and iimust learn to live with it even though it is nothing but an annoyance. I am just...tired of social media. And the Internet.

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Of Dubious and Questionable Memory - (27/?)

2019-07-21T20:45:12Z

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8309341/chapters/47139214

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Updates to my fics

2019-07-01T22:20:23Z

I'm still trying to figure out the best way to get chapters crossposted here, so I'm a little behind.

Destiny has been updated with chapters 14, 15 and (today) 16.

Of Dubious and Questionable Memory was updated back in April here. I am still finishing the next chapter, which I hope to have posted soon.

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Fic Recommendations part 2: specific tropes

2019-05-29T00:44:55Z

Since I am still reading books about fan writing that highlight specific types of stories, I have started thinking about stories I have read that serve as examples of those tropes. So here are some more recommendations from different fandoms.

Crossover

Relatives and Relativity by Yahtzee (Doctor Who/Sense and Sensibility)

I found "Relatives" referenced in a book about fanfiction and because I recognized the author as the writer of the best "Alias" story I ever read ("Irenicon", which is an epic novel featuring a scene that would turn out to predict a scene in the series finale almost exactly) I had to find it on AO3. It is the sort of fic I would recommend to anybody who disparages fanfiction as crap.

mpreg or Alpha/Beta/Omega:

Unexpected Treasure by Vanessa (Lord of the Rings RPF)

Organic Chemistry by cuddlefish (Sherlock)

One of the changes I've witnessed in my years of participation in fandom is a shift in this trope. From the lengthy Children of Men setup of Vanessa's story (which is also a fantastic example of Real Person AU) to the invention of the A/B/O universe which can be invoked for any story in any universe without any further explanation needed. cuddlefish's story is an excellent example of the potential of Alpha/Omega stories. Sort of like "Handmaid's Tale" in its highlighting of the absurdity of overtly patriarchal society, but not as bleak.

BDSM

Collared by gemjam (Lost)

I was challenged to come up with an example of a good BDSM fic in the wake of "Fifty Shades of Grey" (which is at times dangerously clueless about kink or sex in general). This was the first story to come to mind. I'm sure I could find other examples, but this story felt like the best counterpoint to "Grey" specifically as gemjam takes pains to make sure the characters are SAFE and not co-opting a lifestyle to mask their mental and emotional issues.

Fuck or Die

Take What We're Given by Solitary_Endeavor (Sherlock)

I mentioned in a recap that the Fuck or Die trope is very difficult to pull off well. I was specifically thinking of this story at the time as an example of one that does. Somehow the contrivance required to manipulate such an encounter into being doesn't seem all that forced or out of character.

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Fic etiquette

2019-05-22T21:32:20Z

What is the proper etiquette for responding to a comment on a story making nitpicky corrections to my French grammar and word choices? Because I just want to say THANKS MOM.

This is why I don't speak as much French as I should, being raised by a native French speaker. She could never understand the concept that non-native speakers sometimes make mistakes in spelling, conjugation and gender and intimidate me into just switching to English because I can't say what I want to say in French PERFECTLY.

ETA: actually, you know what? I'm going to take it as a compliment because it was little nitpicky corrections, which means I've probably made more mistakes in my native English. But I'm not going to reply because the rest of the comment suggests she is going to be very upset by the direction of my story.

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Marvel canon VS the MCU

2019-05-11T23:37:36Z

Since I started writing MCU fic, I've been doing a lot of research into the original comics. I tried reading some, but there are just too many of them and nobody can agree on which ones are most important. Then I found a DK publishing "everything you need to know" book - a broad summary of all the greatest hits. As I went through it, I found myself thinking of all the ways the MCU could have been different. Here are my notes about the shit we might have gotten:

-a Black Widow that doesn't age and is as invincible as Captain America because she was injected with a variation of the same serum. (Seriously, the MCU did her so dirty).

-After taking shrapnel to the chest in an attack from villain Ezekiel Stane, Tony is saved via questionable implant/Iron Man suit. Sorry, did I say Tony? I meant Pepper.

-Actually Wanda and Vision are totally canon. They had kids and everything. No, I have no idea how that is possible.

-Tony uses nanotech to store his armor UNDER HIS SKIN, which also gives him increased strength and the ability to grow new organs. Wait...did he actually do this in the MCU?

-Janet (the Wasp) fucks Hawkeye and decides to live in giant mode for a while. No wait...nobody wants that one.

-Ant-Man takes a trip through Human Torch's bloodstream and briefly gains the ability to shoot flames, making him...wait for it...Fire Ant Man.

-Thor rides in a chariot drawn by two giant, mutant, steroidal goats.

-Ragnarok as an evil clone Tony created from dead Thor's hair. Because he missed him. Or readers did, anyway.

-Mjolnir deciding Thor is no longer worthy and choosing his former girlfriend Jane instead.

-There is absolutely nothing wrong with Captain Marvel's story. It's perfect.

-Shuri as Black Panther for the same reason Jane became Thor.

-Black Panther being married to Storm (but breaking up when the X-Men destroy Wakanda).

-Scarlet Witch defeating Dormammu (after Doctor Strange finished screwing with him until he agreed to leave Earth alone and Loki briefly teams with him to get the Avengers and the Defenders to fight each other).

-Clea Strange is Dormammu's neice. Wait...what?

-Spider-Man losing his costume and needing to borrow Johnny Storm's, complete with a paper bag over his head that says "kick me".

-Jessica Drew.

-Doctor Strange trying to revive his brother after he is killed and turning him into a vampire.

-Wong being turned into a vampire. Seriously, what is it with Doctor Strange and vampires? Maybe I should do that crossover with Only Lovers Left Alive after all. Though this would probably have to include Blade and Dracula which was apparently a thing.

-I would say Spider-Ham, but Into the Spider-Verse already did that and I didn't want it then either.

-Devil Dinosaur.

-Drax punching through Thanos' ribcage and ripping his heart right out (which Thanos notes is "interesting", presumably just before falling on his face).

-Loki turning New York into ice cream. Yes, you read that right.

-Lady Loki.

-Scarlet Witch and Doctor Strange reversing good and evil to defeat Red Skull and Loki weidling Mjolnir because now that he's a hero he's "worthy".

-Iron Man time traveling to the land of King Arthur.

-On both lists of ways Thor and Loki can win against each other is "tell dad". Specifically, Thor is supposed to tell him Loki is being a "naughty boy". No word on whether this results in spanking.

-Thunderbolt Ross as Red Hulk and female versions of both red and green Hulk.

-Lockjaw gaining superintelligence from the mind stone and forming the Avengers pets into his own version of the Avengers. This includes a dragon, a saber-toothed tiger and a male dog named Ms. Lion.

-The Guardians of the Galaxy are actually from the future and doesn't that make so much more sense?

-Technically, Doctor Strange is one of the Defenders. As is Aquama...I mean Namor. And the Hulk. And Valkyrie. And, in an alternate universe, Loki.

-Maria Hill as the strongest director of SHIELD since Nick Fury.

-Historic members of SHIELD include Leonardo DaVinci, Isaac Newton and Galileo.

-Fenris is totally supposed to be Loki's son. And Hela is his daughter.

-After Ragnarok, Thor recreates new Asgard...in Oklahoma.

-If Hela loses her cloak, the left side of her body becomes decayed.

-The Savage Land - a tropical jungle in the middle of Antarctica with dinosaurs and other ancient creatures and humans.

-Wolverine and the Invisible Woman time-travel to kill Hank Pym before he creates Ultron. They return to the present to find everything even worse with evil cyborg Tony Stark in charge of everything and go back to fix it, convincing Pym to put in a kill switch instead. All the time-traveling creates a rip in time-space that collapses the multi-verse. In other words: yes, time travel does work like in the movies in Marvelverse.

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Of Dubious and Questionable Memory - (26/?)

2019-04-30T00:32:49Z

Rating: vacillates between R and NC-17

Keywords: Sherlock/OMC, Tom Hiddleston fancast, drugs, slash, Sherlock POV, bisexual Sherlock, mystery, amnesia

Spoilers: This story takes place in early 2016 so the dumpster fire that was basically everything about that year - including season four - hasn't happened.

Disclaimer: The characters are all from BBC Sherlock, except Henry who is mine even though he's named after several of Doyle's characters. The plot bears general resemblance to "Before I Go to Sleep".

Summary: Every day I wake up not remembering how I got here or who this man is who claims he's my husband. I cannot trust my own memory. There is one thing of which I am reasonably certain: John Watson is dead. Isn't he?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8309341/chapters/44229484

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