diandrahollman: (sherlock)
It is now more than a week since the national disaster commonly referred to as Election 2016 and I have graduated from beer to Goldschlagger. Because fuck it, I just don't care anymore. I invited Chrissy to join me for this recap, but she declined, saying she just wasn't ready to laugh quite yet. I told her there wouldn't be much laughing involved because it was Saturday Night Live, but I think all that did was convince her I am insane.

We're in a restaurant called Bobby Flay's Steakhouse and Kenan Thompson - going by the name Gene - is on a date with a twit who admits that this restaurant has convinced her that Atlantic City isn't all "gross" because this restaurant sure is fancy. Gene non-sequiters that Bobby Flay is totally the girl's "celebrity hall pass", which I'm guessing is the new way to refer to people that your significant other would totally let you cheat on them with because who WOULDN'T want to get a leg up on Hugh Jackman. Or, you know, whoever. Gene says he's not judging because his is Mila Kunis. He could have just stopped right there, but he adds "as Meg from Family Guy" in an effort to make it funny. They make goo goo eyes at each other and then Benedict shows up dressed like a punk rock reject and calls Gene his "best bro" and congratulates him on the public action he's getting right now. Hang on a second. [downs entire shot of Goldschlagger and pours another] Okay. I'm ready now.

Gene is like 'um...excuse me, sir? Do I know you?' Benedict is like 'oh, come on, hommie, tag a brother in.' The floozy standing next to him reminds him that she's RIGHT HERE and introduces herself as Gemma in a thick English accent. Gene says no, seriously, who are you? Benedict introduces himself as Ricky Diamonds and reminds Gene that they met in a "Male Body Acceptance workshop". Gene is like oooooohhhhhhh. Right. Gene's...wife apparently... asks what a Male Body Acceptance workshop is and "Ricky" says he had to look at her husband's "junk" and tell him what he found beautiful about it. "And I'm Gemma," interjects the twit on his arm in a vain effort to diffuse the awkwardness. He shoves her into the booth next to the wife and slouches in after her. Wife protests that they were having sort of a date night here. Ricky says that's awesome because he's a Rock and Roll Mentalist, which means, like, he does magic tricks to music. Yeah, I know I'm already getting drunk but...was that supposed to make sense? He adds that this woman next to him is Gemma. She adds that she's British. Ricky notes the coolness of her accent by saying she sounds "like a GPS" and prompting her to say "recalculating". Gene is like uh-huh...sooooooo... Ricky suggests Gene is wondering how they met. Gemma gives the unsolicited answer: at a plastic surgeon's office. "We were both getting our tits done." I don't...I just..


Ricky says something about his show requiring him to show cleavage and grabs Wife's hand, forcing her to feel his chest while he brags about how real it feels. Then he shoves her hand onto Gemma's chest and she babbles that hers isn't paid for yet because she's trying to do a kickstarter. Wife takes her hand back uncomfortably and protests as Gene offers to chip in a little money. Ricky asks if they want to see a trick. Only if it involves making yourself disappear. He pulls a deck of cards from his pants (hopefully the pocket specifically) and hands it to Wife, prompting her to pick a card and then put it back in the deck without showing him. "And then put the deck in your mouth." No, seriously, that was in your POCKET, right? Wife splutters, but follows the instructions. Ricky then hands Gene a gun and asks him to confirm that it's real. Gene is like um...yeah, and it's loaded. And the fact that you are waving it around in public and nobody is even slightly alarmed proves that we are in America right now. Ricky prompts him to hand the gun to Gemma. Wife yelps something around the cards in her mouth and Gene assures her that she's not going to get shot because it's just a trick. Gemma pulls a napkin over her head and holds the gun at ready. Gene points out helpfully that she's aiming at HIM and she should aim one foot to the left. Wife yelps and he reassures her again that it's just a trick.

A waiter arrives to say that they can't have guns in this restaurant and take it from Gemma's hand. Second Amendment enthusiasts will be protesting within the week. Ricky says he's in the middle of an ILLUSION here and would they treat Chris Angel like this? Waiter says "who?" "Oh. My. God," says Ricky in his best Valley Girl impression. He declares the waiter a "dumb dork" for not knowing who Chris Angel is. Twice. Because his ability to come up with more clever insults has been impeded by years of drug abuse. He apologizes to Gene as the waiter leaves, saying they can shoot his wife outside later. Wife says actually, it's been a long night and they really should go. She starts shoving Gene from the booth. Ricky protests that they're being buzzkills here and offers to have Gemma sing something. I down the rest of my second shot, spilling some on myself and am too distracted in the effort of dabbing at the stain to do much more than listen to the horrible combination of rap and off-key shrieking that follows.

Gene is staring at them with the blank, wide-eyed stare that little performance deserves. Ricky announces that that made him pop a boner and he can tell it did the same for Gene by the way he's squirming in his seat. Gene is like 'what? [nervous laughter] I am not!' Wife says yes, actually, he is and he's REARRANGING something. Gene tells her she should just be grateful he can still do that. Gemma takes this as a sign that her song worked its magic on them.

Wait..that's it? Seriously? Urgh.
diandrahollman: (sherlock)
I saw [livejournal.com profile] haldoor do it and clearly I am a lemming.
Questions )


Apr. 13th, 2011 05:45 pm
diandrahollman: (books)

Okay, so I've been trying to write fic, but life is kicking me in the ass these days. So, to prove that I AM still here and I WILL be posting fic sooner than later...I'm going to try this meme.

Step 1: Put your MP3 player or whatever on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 25 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Strike through when somebody gets them right
Step 5: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!

I have to fudge it a little, because half of the music on my iPod is bound to be from a soundtrack and have NO lyrics or be an obscure French song. Also, I'm eliminating songs that have the title in the first line because where is the fun in that?


1. You think I'm pretty without any makeup on; you think I'm funny when I tell the punch line wrong.

2. Hold me like the river Jordan and I will then say to thee "you are my friend".

3. Thought you had all the answers to rest your heart upon, but something happens - don't see it comin' - now you can't stop yourself.

4. In a church, by the face, he talks about the people going under. Only child knows... Crazy - Seal, me because nobody would ever recognize those lyrics. ;)

5. Can't see nothin' in front of me, can't see nothin' coming up behind. I make my way through this darkness - I can't feel nothing but these chains that bind.

6. Out of the ruins, out from the wreckage; can't make the same mistakes this time.

7. Of all the things I believed in, I just want to get it over with - tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry.

8.  I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest, or the girl who never wants to be alone.

9. Holly came from Miami FLA, hitchhiked her way across the USA. Plucked her eyebrows on the way, shaved her legs and then he was a she.

10. How can you see into my eyes like open doors - leading you down into my core where I've become so numb?

11. I am so high I can hear heaven.

12. I have often dreamed of a far off place, where a hero's welcome would be waiting for me.

13. Your butt is mine, gonna tell you right. Just show your face in broad daylight.  - Bad - Michael Jackson, [livejournal.com profile] julis_dh 

14. Many times I tried to tell you, many times I cried alone...always I'm surprised how well you cut my feelings to the bone.

15. Where is the moment we needed the most? You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost. -- Bad Day - Daniel Powter, Sylvia Arnold

16. Harry Truman, Dorris Day, Red China, Johnny Ray, South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio. -- We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel, [livejournal.com profile] julis_dh 

17. There's something wrong with the world today, I don't know what it is. Something's wrong with our eyes.

18. I know you want pop, you want dance, you want rock and roll, you want it boom boom this year's remix got symphonic soul

19. This time, this place. Misused, mistakes. Too long, too late, who was I to make you wait?

20. If God had a name, what would it be and would you call it to his face if you were faced with him in all his glory? What would you ask if you had just one question? One of Us - Joan Osbourne, [livejournal.com profile] fashionparis 

21. Oh the shark, babe, has pretty teeth, dear; and he shows 'em pearly whites.

22. You only see what your eyes want to see - how can life be what you want it to be? Frozen - Madonna, [livejournal.com profile] julis_dh 

23. Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you. That is how I know you go on.  - My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion, [livejournal.com profile] sylaire87 

24. Your fingertips across my skin, the palm trees swaying in the wind: images.

25. We got the afternoon, you got this room for two...one thing I've left to do: discover me discovering you.
diandrahollman: (Default)

Me, earlier this evening: "So, the Packers are winning. Well, they're winning so far, but it's only the third quarter. How many quarters are in a football game? Four?"


Just in case my recap of "We Are Marshall" didn't make it abundantly clear that I am clueless when it comes to sports...

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

diandrahollman: (jackred)

I haven't even turned my computer on in two days because I finally bought an Ipod and I've been too busy downloading apps and setting about 100 channels on Pandora. Yeesh. Hopefully all this time sunk into it will be worth it when I go to France. I already have a few apps that are useful for travel (maps, translators, wifi finders). Does anyone know of some other really good apps - preferably free or at least cheap?

So since I didn't have my computer on I almost missed the Emmy nominations yesterday. Apparently Matthew Fox was nominated for an Emmy for the first time ever. To which my response is pretty much IT'S ABOUT #*%@& TIME!!!!! YES!!! :D I'm not sure if the people who vote for the Emmys use the same reasoning as the people who vote for the Oscars (where they are likely to vote based on past performances more than whatever role is actually being nominated) so I'm not sure what his chances of actually winning are, but it would be awesome if they gave it to him for what may be his last performance on television. It might make up for all the years of him being overlooked.

On a completely different note...are people in Minnesota actively insane? I had a call from a woman at work asking if we would be able to make a delivery to her house WHILE TORNADO SIRENS WERE BLOWING IN THE BACKGROUND. I know some cities are a little trigger happy and blow those things when a severe thunderstorm is three counties away, but...after about twenty tornadoes ripped through the state in A DAY last month maybe you should, I don't know, GET THE HELL IN THE BASEMENT WHEN THE SIRENS GO OFF AND NOT ASK OTHER PEOPLE TO ENDANGER THEIR LIVES?!
diandrahollman: (Default)

Putting this in my profile. It's a countdown to the next episode of "Lost". Isn't it awesome?

Also? New userpic.

I seriously don't know what I'm going to do when this show ends, but I'm sure there will be tears involved.

diandrahollman: (scream)

Dear Flist,

I had a job interview last week and I totally wanted to tell you guys and thank you and TPTB on "Lost" because between the crazy shit that's been going on on the show and the discussions here about it I had enough to think about on the car ride there that I didn't have time to freak myself out and I went into the interview totally calm and I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!


Love, Diandra
diandrahollman: (Default)
You know what I just figured out? Justin "Beaver" is actually Justin Bieber. I guess I kind of thought they were two different people. Huh. I wonder if this kid will still be as popular when his voice drops?
diandrahollman: (Default)

Has anyone seen my muse?

Alternatively, I should go outside and take a walk around the block, but I've got this weird pain in my leg that nixes that idea.

On the plus side, our dog is eating today. Except she will only eat tuna. And she threw a fit when I tried to give her something else and would only settle when I gave her more tuna. Dogs are a lot like children, no?

How much am I not looking forward to the Oscars this weekend? I mean, I liked "The Hurt Locker", but I really don't want to see it win best picture just because the Academy feels like making a statement this year.

Re: Lost this week. Um...what? I'm really liking the possibilities in this new sideways world (I *really* want to write some alt!verse Jawyer. Really.), but nonalt!reality is looking really cracked out. And a bit depressing. It's starting to give me bad flashbacks of "The Stand", but I'm hopeful it will ultimately turn out to be better than that.

diandrahollman: (twilightmovie)

Instead, I'm cleaning out my e-mail and watching YouTube videos. I need a new movies avatar, no?

This is pretty cool. Why they chose to play the French national anthem at the end of a montage of American movies I'm not sure, but...

And I can't say this enough: I *heart* James Horner. And Avatar is pretty freaking awesome too.
diandrahollman: (Default)

I thought I had caught her, but then I saw this and some of the comments that went with it and she took off for parts unknown. I'm afraid of what she may come back with. Sigh. Well, at least if anything comes out of it, it'll involve Sawyer, right?

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