This skit is a game show, hosted by a really good looking guy whose name I don't know because seriously, I don't know any of these people anymore. He says his name is Beck Bennett. Stupid name. Oh, wait...hang on, I have to go look something up. Okay, so it turns out this is actually the guy's real name. Sorry. Apparently everybody is playing themselves in this skit. Which is why the first "contestant" is Vanessa Bayer, the second is Aidy Bryant and the third is Benedict, who claims to not remember doing this skit in rehearsals. Beck says yeah, that's great, so let's jump right into the game, which is called "Why is Benedict Cumberbatch Hot?" Like, seriously, the women in the cast have been practically giddy all week and the guys have been trying to figure out what the deal is here. Okay, I reread my recap of the Matthew Fox episode where I complained that there were TWO sketches that boiled down to women throwing themselves at Matthew because he's so gorgeous. Do they literally have NO OTHER IDEAS?
He turns to Vanessa, gives her a thirty second clock and asks her to explain why women fawn over a guy who looks like an otter had sex with an alien. Vanessa is like 'what? You want me to say it right here in front of him?' Beck says yes. Yes, he does. Vanessa gives some rambling, hormonal, girly spew answer about how it has nothing to do with his face, but when she sees him she just wants to UGGHHHHHRRRR. I'm going to go ahead and give the more coherent version of this a friend of mine said recently: no, he's not what you would necessarily consider "attractive" by societal standards. But there is something about him that is sexy anyway. I think it's 30% accent, 30% manner and 70% just his personality in general. Math is not my strong suit when I'm drinking, by the way. I'll double check that later. MY POINT IS....actually, I forgot what my point is. Oh! Right! You know how some people are attractive and then they open their mouth and you find out that they're a racist, misogynist bigot who is totally supporting Trump? Yes, like whatshisface Chachi. This is like that, but in reverse. [Note to self: edit this into something coherent before posting it.]
Beck says okay, that was a lovely non-answer. Next! Aidy gets sixty seconds on the clock...or whatever...and she asks if her answer has to be in English because her feelings toward Benedict would be best described as a series of noises. She proceeds to pant, growl and shout "aoooooooga". The buzzer dings and Benedict is staring into space like 'why am I here. I was nominated for a fucking OSCAR.' Beck asks if they're even looking at the same guy here. No, probably not.
Beck turns to Benedict, restarts the clock and asks him the same question. He says wait...what? How the hell would I know? I personally think I look like Sid from "Ice Age". But, you know, Glamour magazine named him one of the sexiest men alive. I would be surprised if People hasn't at least given him an honorable mention there, but he's probably in the running for future years. Beck splutters and then says oh, wait...yeah, he thinks he knows what it is now. He just has one follow up question and he wants to whisper it, although since he's a guy it's pretty obvious what it's going to be. He walks over and whispers in Benedict's ear. Benedict quickly says no, it's just average size. Beck whispers something else and he says yep, those too. Beck curses and goes back to his podium.
Round two. Beck says he's going to show them pictures of Benedict next to more "classically handsome" American men and ask them who is hotter. He starts with Vanessa and a picture of Benedict with his fluffy Sherlock hair mid-laugh appears on a screen behind him next to a picture of...Beck doing an impression of Ryan Gosling. She says yeah...Benedict. Beck invites her to take her time and really LOOK at the pictures. She says she doesn't have to. He grumbles and moves on to Aidy. This time he has a picture of Benedict during a ginger hair phase captured while he has a very goofy, unattractive expression on his face. The other picture is still Beck, but he's shirtless and showing off his arms in a mirror. Such as they are. He's also doing a duckface. Aidy says well, one of them is making a really weird face, so she's going to have to go with Benedict.
Benedict cuts in to say of those two pictures, Beck has the "hotter one". Beck blinks at him like "why are you making it so hard to hate you?" He says Beck's handsome, has great abs, his skin has a nice even tone and he's also funny and charming and he WAS really nice until this particular sketch and he's enjoyed hanging out with him this past week. Beck starts giggling and acting all fluttery and calls him "Benny", which I seem to recall him joking in an interview is something people who "don't live long" call him. He says Benedict is "striking" and "charming" and "when you look at me I feel...truly...seen." The "correct" bell dings and he declares himself the winner of his own game.
Well, that was...something. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go sleep this off and start over again tomorrow. Or in a couple days. Or never if Trump wins because I'm serious: if that happens, I'm running for the border.
And I'm really hoping nobody noticed that I just spent the last few minutes deleting and reposting the last two parts of this because I had two windows open and I got confused and kept deleting things. This is why I need Chrissy to mind me when I recap drunk.