diandrahollman: (scream)
One of the interpretations I saw of Nostradamus prophecies for WWIII said the "US" would refuse to join at first because of civil wars and money problems (like...depression? Recession?). A lot of his descriptions of WWIII sound like climate change and he predicted the sea would swallow the coastlines and some islands, so...
diandrahollman: (scream)
I spent today working on library programs for Black History Month. I do this around this time every year, but this year I decided to start early. Because it feels especially important this year to acknowledge black history, women's history, LGBT history, native history, etc. etc. I couldn't bear to turn on the television or listen to the radio (do you have any idea how noisy a car is when the radio is off?!). My Twitter feed today looks like it did for much of 2016: painful, drawn out and full of death (mostly figurative) and despair (entirely literal). Now that I'm home, I plan on doing my damndest to drink the pain away. Tomorrow, we march.
diandrahollman: (scream)
With the ever escalating events on the other side of the world (two major ones today), it is becoming clearer by the day that we are entering World War Three. And now that the formerly United States of America has officially elected an Antichrist...I fear for the future. And yet my social media feeds are full of holiday bullshit and excitement over upcoming or newly released movies. I think I might be beyond anger, sadness and even numbness. I don't know what I am anymore.
diandrahollman: (sherlock)
I have done a lot of thinking about whether I should continue this recap or whether I am even up to doing it at all. In the days after America elected a fascist who, by all indications, is the third antichrist the prophets warned us about, all comedians seemed to lose their ability to joke. Because it just isn't funny anymore. I was tempted to join them and stop writing recaps. I figured I could still write fic as, while recaps are grounded in the real world, fiction could still provide a form of escape. But after watching the latest cold open from SNL and responses from Seth Meyer and Stephen Colbert, I have decided my initial instincts were wrong. I have to try. In the words of one of the lovely people who reviewed my story "Restoration": "if we stop writing, they win more. If we let them stop us from our work, they win." I can't promise this recap will be pretty. It may very well be the least funny recap I ever write. But I have to try to get through it. I have to prove to myself - if no one else - that I can still do this. That I haven't given up all hope or ability to fight.

And yes, I am still drinking.

We're at a fancy college somewhere in either England or New England, It's kind of hard to tell because Benedict seems to start the skit with his own accent and slowly morph into an American one. He is tutoring a dopey looking kid named Chad on literature and philosophy. Chad is obviously not really understanding what's going on and just repeating things he says. Benedict ends by saying he really enjoys their visits and hopes Chad continues to stop by his office. Then he moves toward Chad like he's going to kiss him and Chad leans away and says "no thanks". Benedict stammers an apology for his "unbelievably inappropriate" behavior. He "misread" the situation. Chad is like "meh, whatever dude. Sorry to be a cock tease." Benedict keeps apologizing, pacing the office and saying he hasn't been himself lately. He's getting married this weekend but he feels NOTHING for the woman. He rants about how he's living the life his father expects him to. Become a teacher. Get tenure by forty. Marry a rich girl and settle down. God forbid he admit he's gay. He picks up a globe and hurls it into a wall. Chad is like 'uh-huh. yep. cool story bro'. Benedict theorizes that he was drawn to Chad because he envies the fact that he is so free of doubt and worry about his future. Yeah, that's because he's an idiot. Chad is like "okay, whatever you say." Benedict flops into a chair and bemoans how pathetic it is to have a twenty-eight year old TA pouring his heart out to a sophomore. Really stretching the boundaries of believability there, aren't we? He asks if he's boring Chad. Chad say uh, yeah. Basically. He looks at the ceiling and says Chad is welcome to leave at any time, but he really welcomes having someone listen to him like th- and the door slams as Chad runs for the hills.

He jumps up and sticks his head out of the office door to find Chad skateboarding down the hall. He asks if Chad could maybe come back for a second because he has something else he wanted to say. Chad wanders back into the office and stares dopily while Benedict expresses the hope that they can forget about this little episode here. Chad is like "what episode?" Benedict says he hopes this hasn't "tainted" their friendship. Chad is like haha, that's a slang term for vagina, right? Benedict says he'd like to thank him because for a brief moment there "I wasn't a spectator to my own life. I was living it." Chad farts loudly. Yeah, I can see why you're attracted to him. He's quite a catch. Benedict says yes, Chad is right, he should laugh more. But really, he would appreciate it if Chad could keep this meeting secret. Another dopey idiot sticks his head in to ask what's taking Chad so long. Chad says yeah, he'll be there in a minute. Mr. Buckley tried to kiss him. Other guy is like 'oh, okay. Whatever. Wanna get lunch?' They leave while Benedict stares out the window, crying and moaning that Chad is right and he really shouldn't be keeping secrets like this anymore. Chad skates right into a pile of garbage outside and he sniffles and says "thank you."

Yeah. Seriously, this is the kind of thing that will get him an Oscar one day. I mean, hopefully it will be better written, but...yeah.
diandrahollman: (sherlock)
I'm still reeling over the way the world has been turned upside down this week. I'm not sure when I'll be able to focus enough again to write anything, but I'm hoping offering up something I had already written might prove therapeutic. I know I can somewhat relate to the way Sherlock feels in this chapter, even if the reason for my grief isn't quite so direct.

Title: Restoration
Author: Diandra Hollman
E-Mail: diandrahollman@gmail.com
Website: http://diandrahollman.neocities.org
Rating: Hard R
Keywords: Hurt/Comfort, John/Sherlock, rape recovery, emotional hurt/comfort, PTSD, hurt Sherlock
Spoilers: No
Disclaimer: Not my characters
Summary: "You get the call in the dead of night. early enough for you to not be quite deeply asleep yet, but late enough to be distressing. Because nobody calls at such an hour unless something has gone horribly wrong."
Author's Notes: This deals with the aftermath of sexual assault. The actual assault is never "shown", but will be partially described by the victim. I have never been a victim of such violence, so I won't pretend I understand what this is like, but I will endeavor to do right by all the people who have survived something like this.

All previous chapters here

John goes back to work )
diandrahollman: (scream)
I just want to get blind drunk, fall asleep and hopefully wake up to find myself in an alternate reality where America DIDN'T vote for a fascist theocracy. But I'm afraid I will never forget the grave silence that greeted me when I arrived at work this morning. The way my coworker hugged me and vowed that we would get through this while I shook uncontrollably and he tried not to cry himself. The way I collapsed with heaving sobs in the stacks, realized I was in the politics section next to a book about how conservatives claimed the midwest and cried even harder. I will never forget the way I look right now after nearly twenty four hours straight of the sort of crying I haven't done since a loved one died. The fact that I couldn't meet anyone's gaze and flinched when a man passed me on my way to the car, as if I expected him to suddenly attack me.

The whole world is wrong today and I don't know when or if it will ever be right again.

August 2017

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